


The Ethnographer

by pagingdoctordevorak



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Canon, Angst, F/M, Female Apprentice (The Arcana), Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Plague, Pre-Canon, Romance, Slight Asra/Apprentice, Smut, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 09:44:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 35,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18206804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pagingdoctordevorak/pseuds/pagingdoctordevorak
Summary: bee is a young scholar who decides to travel the world after finishing her formal studies. When she meets Julian in the Rowdy Raven, she gets a little too drunk to make it home alone. And as they say, the rest is history.





	1. Welcome Wagon

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! 
> 
> This is a self-insert about my introduction to Vesuvia (and subsequent involvement in the events of canon) because I play The Arcana as myself. There ARE some things that are a liiiiiiittle different about me for the sake of storytelling and world building, but for the most part, this is just another way to immerse myself in the game.
> 
> Please suspend your disbelief to imagine that the world isn’t totally as developed as it is now, but there are still modern social norms and technologies (i.e. women in university, vaccines, flavored liquor, pink hair, etc.). For my purposes (since I'm from the United States), bee knows a few things about modern medicine, but not everything has been globalized (therefore, Julian uses old medical practices like leeches). 
> 
> Like I said, just go with it; it’ll make it more fun :)

What was there to say about her? The self-made woman who left home at 18 to pursue a worldly education? The woman who was cynical, stubborn, and anxious? The woman who was cold to the naked eye, yet soft and warm to those close to her? The woman who wore daisies in her hair and shook with fear at even the smallest moth?

She had come to Vesuvia seeking more knowledge than her home country could give her. She ached for a new experience—a place to apply all she’d learned from her studies. She was never averse to learning new things, and a whole new land was the perfect place to start.

So what was there to say about her?

Nobody really knew much.

“You don’t have rum?”

Well. For one thing, she was _definitely_ particular about her drinks.

The barkeep shook his head.

“Ran out last week. Next shipment is coming on Sunday.”

She sighed and pursed her lips to the side in thought. All she wanted was a cold rum and cola—not that Vesuvia had cola, per se, but anything sweet mixed with rum was her go-to drink.

“What do you recommend instead?”

The patron to her right spoke up.

“Try a salty bitters. They’re disgusting.” She turned to look at him with a furrowed brow. “I’ve had five,” he said with a cheeky smirk. She eyed him incredulously, but faced the first man again, electing to ignore the drunkard next to her.

“Are you a local, Astacos?”

“Nah. I’ve been around.”

“So, if I said… _Buttery Nipple_ …”

He smiled.

“I think I can make that happen for you.” He went to work mixing various alcohols from unmarked bottles. She wondered how he could possibly know what he was making, but then again, she’d always had a knack for memorizing—or rather _winging_ —recipes with whatever was around.

“Buttery Nipple?”

She turned back to her neighbor and gave him a once over. Tall, gangly…

No, not gangly… _lithe_. He definitely had an air of grace about him. Not to mention, he was pretty handsome at second glance. Smug, suave, charming. Everything she fantasized about in a man. His wild auburn hair parted down the middle of his head. His hooded eyes were the lightest grey she’d ever seen on someone, and freckles kissed his sharp, pale cheeks and nose. That cheshire grin of his hid behind beautifully carved lips. His brows were thick and dark like hers, arching up in curiosity. It seemed they had more in common than she’d originally anticipated.

“Salty bitters… Buttery Nipples…” She shrugged. She tilted her head curiously, eyeing this specimen before her. “Actually, could you make it three, please?” she asked Astacos. He hummed in affirmation and set out two more shot glasses.

“Darling, I don’t think I could stomach another drink.” She could hear the teasing in his honeyed-gravel voice. “But for a woman as lovely as you, I guess I’ll have to make the sacrifice.”

The young woman rolled her eyes and ignored him again. She usually kept to herself, but she secretly loved the attention from such a charismatic man. And honestly… the pet name made her stomach warm with delight.

“I never said it was for you,” she deadpanned.

The man leaned into her space, just enough to draw her attention back to him. _God, those eyes…_

“For someone with light pink hair, you seem pretty standoffish.”

She side-eyed him.

“What does my hair have to do with it?”

“You’re a beacon for attention.” He twirled a strand of her shoulder-length waves around his finger as he motioned to the rest of the patrons, and she turned just in time to see them averting their gazes. “Not to mention, you’re new here.”

The three shots were placed before her, and she slid one to her new acquaintance.

“I’m not that interesting.”

“Oh, I doubt that,” he mused with a kind smile. “As far as anyone’s concerned, you’re the most interesting woman in here.” They raised their drinks to each other, and she tapped hers on the bar before downing the sweet, smooth, butterscotch liquid. The other man looked at her as if she had two heads.

“Why’d you do that?”

“Do… what?”

“You hit yours off the bar.”

“Um… It’s just a thing people do? I don’t really know.”

He grinned.

“Told you you were interesting.” He mimicked her by tapping his glass on the bar, then tilted his head back and swallowed it. He grimaced and cleared his throat. “So.” He coughed again with a wince and set the glass down. “You’ve got a sweet tooth, huh?”

She smiled back.

“As big as your eyes.” She took the second shot. “You don’t like it?”

“No, no… it’s good. I just…”

“Too sweet?”

He nodded.

“Don’t judge a book by its cover, I guess.” She waved over the barkeep and ordered two more just as her cheeks started to warm from the alcohol.

“Then tell me your story,” he purred and cradled his chin in his hand.

 _God damn, he's charming,_ she thought.

“Well, for starters…” She held out her hand for him to shake. “I’m bee—like the bug. All lowercase.” He took it in his own hand and kissed her knuckles. Her eyes blew wide with awe.

“Julian. Like the person. Proper capitalization.”

“Nice to meet you, Julian,” she squeaked.

“The pleasure is truly all mine, bee.” He motioned for her to continue.

“Um… well I left home four years ago to study. Societies and people and norms and culture… I’m really interested in a little of everything.” Two more shots sat in front of her, and she took both in quick succession. She licked the froth from her lips, but not without noticing the way he stared at them. “I never really felt tied down to one place, so now that my formal studies are over, I’m here for the time being. I’m looking to be a transcriptionist of some sort. An ethnographer, perhaps.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-two.”

He whistled discouragingly.

“You’re young enough to be my sister. I shouldn’t even be talking to you.”

“Well, nice chatting, then.” She hopped off the stool to walk away, but he caught her arm and pulled her back.

“Oh no, you don’t. We’re not done.”

She laughed as she stumbled back onto the seat.

“Two more shots, Astacos.”

“Seriously?” Julian asked, baffled.

She grinned at him.

“I have to catch up to you.”

His laugh filled her chest with butterflies.

“Maybe you should slow down a bit, Darling.” He poked her nose playfully.

She waved him off, though she could feel her brain go mushy, and her peripherals were blurring. _Aha... Here comes the courage._

“Now… tell me about you,” she requested.

“I’m actually a man of many talents myself,” he began. Julian shifted in his seat so he faced her completely. His white peasant top was unbuttoned to the waist. Tufts of auburn hair peppered across his alabaster chest, which glistened in the low candlelight of the tavern. His long legs angled toward her, and a thought crossed her mind of how nice it would feel to have her own legs tangled with them…

His index finger hooked under her chin and tilted her face up to look at him.

“Eyes up here.”

She blushed and nodded, trying to focus on his words again.

“I studied medicine. Sailed the high seas for quite some time. Became a little bit of a pirate shortly after.”

“A _little bit_ of a pirate?” she accused with a smile.

“Well, when you get captured by pirates, and they spare you, it’s only right to dabble in the profession.”

bee giggled at Julian and reached for her last two shots. _Finally_ , she thought as another giggle bubbled up in her throat. _I’m relaxed enough to make good conversation._ She knew she’d have to stop; any more after this and she’d start to black out. Plus, she wasn’t really sure how much time was passing. Or how quickly. But it was always so much easier to make friends when she drank.

“Right now I’m working at the palace as a doctor.”

“S’you like helping people then?”

“You could say that.”

She went to rest her arm on the bar to get a better look at him, but her elbow slipped, and she lost her balance. Julian caught her with amazing ease—or maybe she was just too drunk to really know how clumsy they were—right as her nose was about to hit his crotch. She gasped when her brain caught up with her body and stood back up a bit too fast.

“Then, would you mind… uh... helping me backtomyplace?” she slurred. “I don’t really know… how I got here.”

“Why don’t we… go back to mine?” he suggested, carefully crafting his sentences like a child learning to read. “S’probably closer. And I promise. To be the perfect—” _hiccup_ “—gentleman.”

Dull alarms rang in her head, but if she was being truly honest, she didn’t _totally_ mind the idea; she had no reason to think he would do anything to her. Still, she protested.

“Juuuli...an… I barely know you.”

“Well, you’re gonna need me in the morning.” She watched as he stood to his full height, though black spots clouded her vision. It didn’t help that she wasn’t wearing her glasses, so she couldn’t tell the difference between regular blur and drunk blur.

“Asta… Astacos.” She turned to face the barkeep. “Can I trussst this guy?” She threw her arm behind her to point at Julian, but she ended up smacking his waist with the back of her hand. “Whoa…” she groaned as she turned to face him. “Sorry…”

Astacos laughed.

“I’d trust Doctor Devorak with my life.”

Julian’s arm snaked around bee’s shoulders as he tried to keep them both upright. She kept blinking to try and get the darkness out of her vision, but it didn’t work. There’s no way she’d be able to walk home. “Okay,” she ceded. “Nothing funny though.”

“I swear. C’mon, lil’ honey bee.”

She snorted at the nickname and pressed herself closer.

She’d be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee).
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


	2. Home Sweet Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added the Asra/Apprentice ship to the tags because... let's face it, that lil uwu has stolen my heart, and I can't imagine the events of the game happening without a little bit of Asra/Apprentice (even if it's a liiiiiiiil unrequited). That's what we in the biz call a dilemma, babey!!

bee groaned softly and stretched her legs out as she rolled onto her back. Even through her eyelids, the sun burned. She tugged the blanket over her head and exhaled in defeat. Her body rocked like waves on the ocean, but when she finally opened her eyes and peeked out over the blanket, it was the _ceiling_ that was moving. She pressed her hand to her forehead and rubbed gentle circles on her temples.

“One too many?”

She looked up at the man beside her. Julian sat against the headboard with a book in his hand, legs crossed at the ankle. His hair fell in gently mussed curls around his head. His chest glowed blindingly in the sunlight shining through the uncovered window. He almost looked as if he hadn’t been drinking at all the night before.

“Too many too fast,” she answered, voice ragged and dry as she pulled the blanket up to her chin. “I think I’m still a little drunk… Did we _pay_?”

“I took care of it. I have a bit of a long standing tab with Astacos.”

“I can pay you back when I get more money from my place.”

“No need.” He smiled down at her. “Your company is payment enough.”

She dragged herself out from under the blanket and leaned back on her elbows. Soft, gossamer cotton tangled around her forearms. As she sat up fully, loose strands of her hair fell into her face from a bun she didn’t remember putting up, and she realized she was in his shirt from the night before. No pants. Her mind raced as she tried to figure out what the hell had happened between her almost falling into his crotch and now.

“Don’t worry. We didn’t do anything,” he reassured her. “I _am_ the perfect gentleman.”

“I… why am I wearing this?”

“You vomited on the way here.”

“Oh, god…” It was then she noticed the rotten taste in her mouth and the rawness of her throat. “Tell me I _didn’t._ ”

“Afraid I can’t, dear bee.”

“...How many times?”

“Three.”

Her hands flew to her face to hide in shame. The last two times she got this sick, she pissed herself on the third go. _That explains the lack of pants..._

“I’m _so_ sorry.”

“Y’know… you dress in a way I’ve never seen before,” Julian mused, seeming to purposefully ignore her apology in order to save face.

“Well…” She let her hands fall to her lap and tugged at the flowy sleeves. “You dress like a pirate.”

“And what’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing.” bee smiled to herself shyly, keeping her gaze down. “It suits you.”

There was a beat between them.

“Here.” Julian set his book down and handed her a glass of water. “Drink this.”

She took the glass and sipped slowly, the cool liquid calming the scratch of her abused throat. She’d never had someone take care of her after a night of binge drinking, let alone a whole-ass doctor… Come to think of it, _she_ was always the one taking care of others. This was a pleasant and very welcome role reversal.

She set the glass between her crossed legs and tucked the fallen strands of hair behind her ears. She looked around the small room, but her vision was too blurred to make anything out except for a few vague shapes. _Why the hell didn’t I wear my damned glasses last night?_

“Thanks for making my first night here an _unmemorable_ one,” she joked. bee returned her hands to the glass and ran her finger around the rim anxiously. “I hope I didn’t make too much of an ass of myself.”

“You were the perfect drunken damsel.”

“Damsel?”

Julian nodded with a gentle smirk.

“I fear that you’d have fallen into the aqueducts had I not been there to keep you upright.”

Her cheeks heated.

“Then, thank you for being such a prince.”

“Ah, a prince?” He chuckled. “That’s too generous for an old rogue like me.”

“Are you always this eloquent in the morning?”

He just smirked again and tossed his legs over the edge of the bed. She watched as he threw on a fresh shirt, identical to the one she wore. bee set the glass on the nightstand and flopped back onto the mattress. She threw her arm over her eyes in a fit of drama and self-reflection. How could she have let this happen on her _first night_ in this city.

“Time for the walk of shame,” she sighed.

“Shame?” Julian sounded almost hurt. A piece of clothing landed with a _fwoop_ next to her head. “Darling, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.” His footsteps sounded further away, but in moments, he was back. “I, for one, had a great time last night.” She heard the gentle scrape of a plate on wood and turned to see that he brought her some toast. “Eat. You’ve been in a state of fasting for 7 hours.”

She stared at the bedside table in awe. What did she do to deserve such kindness from a stranger?

After she had eaten—under careful supervision by the doctor—she put on the pants he threw next to her and freshened herself up as much as she could in the tiny bathroom. He gathered her clothes and put them in an old cloth bag that he hung from his shoulder.

“Julian, you’ve been too kind already. You don’t have to walk me back…”

“You don’t know the way back,” he reminded her. He pulled her to his side and laced her arm around his, resting her hand on his bicep. As soon as he started walking, though, he stopped. “Which… means _I_ don’t know the way back either. Where are you going, again?”

“Uh. I’m not sure what it’s called. It was near a market though.”

“Ah! That’s helpful.” He began again and tugged her along. “I can get us there, no problem.” His bravado filled her with pure joy.

They waltzed arm-in-arm through the city. It was Friday, yet there wasn’t as much activity as bee thought there’d be. The streets weren’t empty, but there were few people actually around. She would’ve asked Julian about it, but she wanted to get at least a week’s worth of observations before deciding if this was something worth asking about. After all, it could just be a cultural difference.

The market, however, was lively and bright. People milled about through the street, bouncing from stall to stall to get what they needed. The young woman eyed beautiful jewelry, clothing, and other wares as they passed by. She even had Julian stop so she could look at a decorative paperweight up close.

Smells ranging all the way from savory to sweet filled the air, and her stomach bubbled with hunger. She bought a small sample of warm, delicious pumpkin bread from the baker’s stall, and she split it with her companion as thanks for his kindness.

“There!” She pointed to the shop at the corner of the street.

“There?” Julian asked through a bite of bread.

“I think… I can’t see the sign, but I think that’s it. Does it have a snake on it?”

“It does.”

She nodded and pulled him along. He handed her the bag of her things, and she pushed the door open, the old wood creaking on its hinges. Her host stood behind the counter, polishing a little bottle of herbs.

“Rough night?” He didn’t even try to hide the amusement in his voice. She saw him give her a once over, no doubt noticing the ill-fitted shirt and pants.

“Yeah,” bee admitted, a bit embarrassed as she entered the doorway. “Went a little too hard too fast. But turns out I was in the right bar at the right time.” She turned to Julian and grinned. His lips quirked into a shy smile as he averted his gaze.

She had only met Asra shortly after her arrival the day before. He heard “through the grapevine” that there was a scholar of sorts coming to Vesuvia—she wasn’t sure who could’ve told him that, but she didn’t question it. He offered to let her stay with him for the time being so she could have a quiet place to record her field notes, and with no other sensible offers, she accepted. After a quick introduction to himself and the place, he’d left to visit an old friend, but said he’d be back by midnight.

 _She_ definitely was not.

Asra was younger and shorter than Julian, but still older and taller than her. Not by much, but enough on both counts. His fluffy, snow white hair fell into his lavender eyes, yet somehow it didn’t look messy. His features were much softer than Julian’s, though they both had a thing for loose, white, unbuttoned shirts. His revealed smooth, golden skin hidden under his extravagant scarf. His presence was calming, like someone who spent a lot of time trying to get to know people without revealing much himself. Just like her.

“This is Asra,” she told Julian. “He’s letting me stay with him.”

“I’ve heard a few stories of the good magician.”

“Not _too_ good, I hope.”

“Magician?” bee asked. “Like card tricks?”

Asra chuckled.

“Something like that. C’mon back, and I’ll show you.”

bee followed him toward the back room, but she stopped when she realized Julian wasn’t following her. In fact, he hadn’t moved from the doorway at all.

“Aren’t you coming?”

He laughed a bit nervously.

“I’ve never really been one for magic. I’m more of a hard facts kind of guy.”

She nodded and dropped the curtain.

“Then, I guess I won’t keep you any longer.” She stepped toward him and held out her hand for him to shake. “Thank you for last night. And this morning.”

“It was truly my pleasure, dear honey bee.” He pressed his lips to her knuckles like he had in the bar. “Don’t be a stranger.”

“Okay,” she breathed as a soft, peachy blush kissed her freckled cheeks. Julian smiled sweetly before ducking out of the shop. bee stood for a moment in disbelief before closing the door and heading for the back room again.

The walls were dark and covered in detailed tapestries she couldn’t quite see, and the only light came from the small window on the back wall. A round table with two chairs took up almost the entire space. Asra lit an incense and blew out the match.

“Sorry,” she whispered. He waved her off.

“Have a seat. We’ll do a quick reading.”

“Reading?” she asked as she sat. “Tarot?”

His smile widened, yet he still didn’t show his teeth.

“Exactly. You’ve done this before?”

She shook her head.

“I had friends who tried learning. I’ve never had a professional reading.”

Asra sat, somehow maintaining his grace better than she’d ever seen someone do. He pulled a deck of cards from his pocket—the golden edges glistened in the sunbeams.

“I think a three card spread will suffice for now. Past, present, and future.” He shuffled them effortlessly and cut the deck into three piles. It was clear he’d been doing this for quite some time. “Pick a pile.”

bee hesitated, mind whirling with uncertainty and probability. _Which one will give me the best results?_ she thought. _Left, right, or center? The center seems too obvious. The right feels more natural to pick than the left, but maybe that’s just a sign that I should pick the left anyway… Or should I pick the left deck because it’s_ his _right?_

“Follow your gut,” Asra coached gently. “You’re overthinking. It only works if you react on instinct. Close your eyes, take a breath, and feel your choice.”

She did as he asked and tried her best to really take in what was going on. The incense smelled sweet and smooth like spring rain; the sunbeams warmed her nose; Asra’s presence soothed her churning stomach. She inhaled deeply, opened her eyes, and touched the right pile.

Asra smiled again.

“Good.” He fanned out the cards in a circle. “Pick three cards. One for each point in time.”

Once she picked three, Asra explained what each card meant and what they had to say about her. She watched with awe as his plump lips fluttered with his words. The corners would tug up with amusement as the pair talked back and forth about her life. He was so easy to talk to, and so comforting even though she felt like absolute trash from her wild night out.

“You have trouble trusting people, yet you’ve already stayed with two strangers. That’s very admirable.”

“Or stupid,” she joked back. Asra’s full smile and warm laugh filled her stomach with butterflies. He was so sweet and charming, but in a totally different way than Julian had been. “I _guess_ you could call it growth. I never would have done this back home. Well. To an extent I have, but not on my own. I was always with someone else.”

“Well, I’m glad you can put your trust in me, bee. I hope you like it here.”

After they finished up, he led her upstairs to their living area and made a proper breakfast for her. She rummaged through her bags and found her toothbrush and glasses, much to her relief.

She slid the thin, golden, circular frames over her nose and ears, finally looking at herself properly. Her reflection flinched.

“Whoa…” she muttered through a mouthful of toothpaste. Her fingers soothed the bags under her eyes, and she poked at the dry skin around her nose ring. “I’m a wreck already.” Luckily, Julian had lent her his comb earlier, otherwise her hair would’ve been absolutely wild. At least she’d looked _semi-human_ in the market, but she definitely had to get a grip before she ruined anyone else’s first impression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee).
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


	3. Acquainting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who went to look something up on the Arcana wikia and discovered that apparently, the apprentice met Asra 9 years before the events of the game, and that the shop was actually owned by the apprentice’s aunt, AND that the apprentice was already a magician before Asra met them? It’s me, and I’ve goofed the timeline with this fic. 
> 
> So, we’ll just ignore it and pretend what I say goes, WHOOPS.

Living with Asra was nice. The shop was clean and quiet, and their living space was cozy, airy, and full of sunlight. Their closeness in age helped bee acclimate to living with someone new; it was just like having roommates at school. Sure, there was only one bed—which took her a little getting used to—but the care he took to make her feel comfortable around him and the city was so incredible.

A few days after she settled, he took her shopping for new clothes to help her fit in with the locals, and she was grateful for it. They picked out a few outfits in her signature cotton candy pink and blue palette, but her favorite was a pair of forest green harem pants with slits down the sides, black tights, a yellow jumper with three-quarter sleeves, and white, wedged sandals. Practical, yet elegant. Asra even gifted her with a sheer scarf that matched her pants perfectly. _Because nobody should go without a good scarf_ , he told her. She couldn’t have asked for a better host—and friend.

Today, they were back in the market to find some herbs he needed for a healing pouch. bee asked if she could come along to get to know the city a bit better, as she was still very new and nervous to be in an unfamiliar place without a guide. Half of a loaf of pumpkin bread rested in the crook of her arm, and the pair broke off pieces as they inched through the crowd.

“So, tell me about yourself,” Asra requested, nonchalantly browsing some dried thyme. “I think you owe me a little explanation as to who’s literally sleeping in my bed.”

“What do you wanna know?” she asked.

“What’s your life story?”

“Life story…” bee sucked her teeth in thought. “Well, I’m from a big country in the West. My parents separated when I was two. I lived with my mom until I was old enough to go off to university. Now, I’m here, talking to you.”

He looked at her incredulously.

“Okay, but what about the _details_?”

“You already know my favorite colors, my favorite animals…” She had to think for a moment. “My favorite food is poutine.”

“Poutine?”

“Yeah. It’s fried strips of potato covered in cheese curds and gravy.” Her mouth watered just thinking about it. “It sounds gross but I promise it’s _sooo_ good.”

“I’ll take your word for it. What about… what’s your favorite memory?”

Hmm. bee _really_ had to think about that.

What _was_ her favorite memory?

She sat against the counter of the stall and glanced around the market. Locals were buzzing around the street, perusing the different wares and vendors. bee’s eyes fell to the vibrant fruit stand, currently free of any patrons. The sun peeked over the awning and lit up the pile of peaches. She smiled to herself as her gaze wandered across the counter and stopped at some boxes of strawberries.

“Okay. When I was, like… probably three, my mom planted an entire garden full of strawberries. I’m not sure why, but it was, like, the entire length of our backyard. Maybe from this stand to the stand across the street.”

Asra’s head turned to look at her, and his eyebrow quirked up in amused curiosity.

“So, one day, she told me to go play in the backyard, and she like _actually_ locked me outside. Of course, I was fine being alone at the tender age of three,” she joked with a gentle smile. “I played in the sandbox for a little while, but the summer sun was _so_ hot on my little head, and I got hungry and thirsty.”

“So, you ate some strawberries from the garden,” he finished, smug that he figured out the ending.

bee looked him dead in the eye.

“ _All_ the strawberries.”

His eyes widened. “What?”

“Every last one. I sat there with our hose and washed them all off—one by one—and ate the entire garden.”

Asra burst into a fit of musical giggles.

“Did she get mad?”

“Nope. She was actually kind of impressed.”

They continued on through the market, collecting food for the week, more ingredients that asra needed, and even a rug bee thought would look good in their bedroom. They had one last stop before they could go back to the shop; Asra wanted to look at some glass bottles for his shelves.

bee decided to people watch while she waited for him. With her back against a post, she gazed upon the flow of shoppers as they stepped over the wooden planks that covered the aqueducts. There was a mother and her two children looking at a goat tied to one of the vendor’s stands. He leaned over the counter and handed them handfuls of grain, and the goat bleated softly as they fed it from the palm of their hands. bee smiled to herself at the genuine glee on their faces.

Asra giggled next to her.

“Cute, right?” she asked him. A more surprised giggle caught bee off guard.

“Faust, knock it off!”

She turned around to see his eyes squinting in tortured delight.

“What?”

“I, uh…” He cleared his throat as the little head of a periwinkle snake popped out from the collar of his shirt. bee stepped back, her stomach churning with fear.

“Asra!”

“It’s okay!” He held his hands up non-threateningly. The snake snuggled against his neck and looked at her. “This is Faust. She’s harmless.”

_“Friend!”_

bee blinked at him.

“Did you just say ‘friend’ without moving your mouth, or am I imagining things?”

Asra’s brows raised in shock.

“You can hear her?”

“Hear  _her?_ ” She pointed to Faust incredulously.

“She can communicate telepathically, but it only works if you have a strong bond.”

bee stared at him. Was he on drugs or something?

“She can _what._ ” It wasn’t a question, but rather a statement of pure disbelief.

 _“Speak!”_ Faust squeaked.

bee leaned in to get a better look at the snake, still absolutely bewildered. Faust smiled at her. _Snakes can smile?_

“Do you want to hold her?” he asked softly.

“Uh, I… I don’t know. I’ve never really liked snakes. Not that I don’t like Faust! It’s just—I don’t know if she’ll like me or how to hold them or—”

“bee, it’s okay. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. But Faust won’t hurt you.”

She sighed and leaned against the post of the stall again.

“Has she been around the whole time I’ve been here?”

Asra nodded and smiled as he scratched under her chin.

“She’s shy, but she wanted you to know she’s here.”

“O-okay… hi, Faust.” The snake stuck out her little pink tongue in greeting, and bee smiled back. “You look very cute.”

Faust slithered back into Asra’s shirt, where bee supposed she liked to hide from the sun. Asra snickered again, probably tickled by her tail, but quickly composed himself and straightened his clothes.

“I’m all finished. Should we head back?”

“I’m ready if you are.”

They strolled along the aqueduct back toward their shop. It was quieter in this part of the neighborhood, since most people were more inclined to buy food than tarot readings. Asra unlocked the door and headed straight toward the counter. bee pulled the door shut behind her and climbed the spiral staircase to their living area. She wanted to cook for Asra as a thank you for his hospitality, so she set off to make a simple madras curry—a recipe she held dear from her time at university. She was so worried he wouldn’t like it, but once they sat down at the little kitchen table, Asra didn’t seem to be able to get enough. They talked over their meal, mostly about trivial things like what to do around Vesuvia, what she could use from the shop, and how they would split up the chores around the place.

Since bee cooked, Asra offered to do the dishes—one of their agreements about chores. They worked together well, and she was so grateful that he was open to her ideas.

When it was time for bed, bee brushed her teeth and peed, then changed into a big cotton t-shirt and shorts from home. She pulled her hair out of the messy half-bun and shook it around so it would fall naturally around her head. Normally, she would stay up into the latest hours of the night with projects or leisure activities like ukulele, but walking around really tired her out.

Asra was already sprawled out onto his back when she walked in from the bathroom. He wore a pair of old harem pants and lacked a shirt—not that it surprised bee in the slightest, nor did she mind.

“Thanks for taking me with you today.”

“Of course! I really enjoyed the company,” he told her.

She pulled back her side of the blanket and flopped onto the mattress. Her back tingled with the awareness that she was sharing a bed with someone, and she rolled onto her side, curling up at the edge.

“Night, Asra,” she hummed.

“Night, bee.”

She heard him reach for the lamp and twist the wick down until the flame went out. The only light left in the room poured in from the moon through the sheer curtains. Her eyes fluttered shut, and she tried ignoring the growing soreness in her back to let herself drift into the state of rest just before sleep.

“Hey, bee?

“Hm?” She slowly opened her eyes and turned onto her shoulder, craning her neck to look back at him.

“You… you don’t have to make yourself smaller for me. I don’t mind sharing the bed with you.”

“I—I don’t make—”

“You always curl up on your side and stay so close to the edge. But you don’t have to. The bed’s big enough. You can spread out.”

“That’s really nice, but I don’t want to impose…”

“I’m serious. I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t.”

bee sighed and lay flat on her back.

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?” he asked.

“See through me. You barely know me.”

Asra smiled and propped his head up into his palm.

“You tell me, people-watcher.”

She smiled and rolled her eyes.

“Fair enough… Thanks for bringing it up. My back was starting to hurt.”

“You’re a _guest_ in my home.” He reached out and squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. “Get some rest. We’ll go exploring a bit more tomorrow.”

They settled into their own sides, but there was a sense of ease now. bee felt herself slipping away once more, until a single word from earlier in the day popped into her head.

_Speak!_

She smiled. Then stifled a giggle. Then started giggling so hard she shook the mattress with the force of holding it in.

“Are you okay?” Asra asked, genuinely worried.

bee calmed herself down and breathed a few times before turning onto her side to face him. She inhaled deeply, and then deadpanned.

“You have a talking snake.”

The pair burst into laughter, laughing so hard that it finally tired them enough to pass out—Asra’s left arm stretched out and just barely grazed the top of her head on the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee).
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


	4. Back for More?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> By now, I've made a consistent schedule of posting a new chapter every Thursday, as well as an excerpt on my [tumblr](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com) (mostly to get people interested enough to click through and read...). This will continue, but I'll be posting the **excerpts** every _WEDNESDAY_ from here on! This way, there will be a little preview to pique interest before the full chapter gets posted on Thursday.
> 
> So, if you wanna get a little sneak peak before it's published, go follow my blog and look for the posts on WEDNESDAYS! :)

A week went by, and then another, and bee found herself feeling more at home in Vesuvia. She made a healthy headway into her fieldwork and even began sorting episodes of notes into different behavioral and cultural categories. Most of her time was spent in the market and town square, as these were the places with the most people day-to-day. To her surprise, locals would greet her while walking past, some actually stopping to ask about the new girl with light pink hair and chubby cheeks. This was a nice change from the people in her home country, who would often ignore her because her thick, dark eyebrows and “unenthused” neutral expression made her seem cold and unfriendly. If they had just taken the time to get to know her, like the people of Vesuvia, they would’ve realized she was as friendly as anyone else.

Likewise, she befriended the baker, Selasi, who offered her a slice of pumpkin bread every morning. She gave him her recipe for banana bread—one of her favorites from home—in return, which he enthusiastically accepted and promised to try out.

Children would stare at her with wonder in their eyes. They’d ask if she was some form of mythical creature—or _Countess_ , oddly—because of her hair. She would playfully look both ways, kneel down to their level, and whisper in their ear to wish on stars to find out for themselves. The smiles on their faces were enough to make her heart swell.

Vesuvia had taken kindly to her, and she had taken kindly to Vesuvia.

Today, bee had gone off on her own to people watch, as Asra had a few clients to tend to. She decided to explore more of the city and found herself in an impoverished neighborhood. Buildings crumbled at the corners, shutters hung by single hinges, and trash floated in the water of the aqueducts. She walked aimlessly, kicking stones across the cobbled street. For some reason, she felt like she’d been here before.

As the sun rose higher in the sky, she felt herself grow flushed and tired. Had she had any water today?

bee found an abandoned crate next to the shaded wall of an alley. Bent, rusted nails poked out in wild directions, and the boards seemed ready to collapse at any moment. _I’ll pass,_ she groaned to herself. She fell back against the cool stone and slid down to the ground. Sweat beaded on her forehead and cheeks, and she hung her head down into her knees. She tried to slow her breathing— _in, two, three, four—_ to help herself relax— _out, two, three, four—_ so she could hopefully rest enough to get up and find water somewhere.

“Back for more, huh?”

Her head jolted up at the sudden sound and hit the stone wall behind her. Her teeth clicked together with the force of the impact, and her vision blacked out. Tears pricked at her eyes as she let out a half-sob-half-gasp.

“Oh, fuck!” Julian exclaimed as he squatted down in front of her. _Well, this is why the neighborhood felt familiar._ “Look at me.” bee lifted her gaze toward his voice, but all she could see was stars. She felt him slip off her glasses, and he held her head still, instructing her to follow his finger with just her eyes. As her vision cleared, she did as he asked. When he was satisfied, he gingerly slid her glasses over her ears and set the bridge on her nose. “These are cute.”

Being the absolute charmer she was, she responded: “Thanks, I need them to see,” as a blush spread over her cheeks.

Julian smiled and sat back on his haunches.

“Well, I don’t think you’re concussed.”

“Am I bleeding?” She leaned forward so he could check. His long fingers carded through her hair, and she almost whimpered at the feeling of his gentle hands touching her sore scalp.

“No, no blood. Let’s get you back to my place to rest.” He unfolded himself and held out his hands for her to take, and she let him pull her to her feet. She wobbled slightly, and his arm curled around her shoulders like it did that first night in the tavern. “Do you need me to carry you?”

“Doubt you even could,” she muttered to herself, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment to let her stomach settle.

“Is that a challenge?” Julian cooed. Before she could respond, her feet were swept up from the ground and the world tilted, making her stomach flip once more. “This okay?” His tone was softer this time.

“Gimme a minute…” She fought off her nausea and tried to keep a blush at bay, but her cheeks heated nonetheless. She hid her face in his neck to shield her eyes from the bright sun—and to keep him from seeing her embarrassment. After she regained her bearings, Julian effortlessly made it to his home and set her down on his bed. He pulled all the curtains closed and brought her a cool glass of water to sip.

“We’ve gotta stop meeting like this,” bee groaned.

“Like what?” he joked. “Me taking care of you in your time of need?”

“This time it was your fault.”

He chuckled. “That’s true, but I still rescued you, didn’t I?”

“If you wanna get technical.” She sipped the water until half the glass was gone and set it aside. Her head spun, and she eased herself onto her back. “I’m so tired.”

The bed dipped as Julian lay beside her, but her eyes were already closed.

“You need to stay awake. Just to be sure.”

She groaned and rolled onto her side. He had been closer than she expected, so her nose poked his chest, and her eyes blew wide at the sudden contact.

“Oh… I—”

Julian chuckled again and wiggled down the mattress so he could look into her eyes.

“Don’t leave me now, honey bee.”

His voice was concerned, but his brows were relaxed and his gaze was gentle. bee’s heart raced faster than a rabbit at his pet name. He needed to stop calling her that soon, or she’d fall in love with him.

“Okay,” she answered meekly.

She searched his face for something she wasn’t quite sure of, but he just stared back with smiling, hooded eyes. She could’ve spent a lifetime looking at him this close.

“What are you doing in this part of the city?” he asked.

“I was taking notes. I usually go out with Asra, but he was busy today.”

“And why were you in the alley?”

“It’s hot, and I got tired. I think I’m dehydrated.” She sighed and stretched out her legs. “What about you?”

“What _about_ me?” His eyes crinkled with his smile.

“Shouldn’t you be at the palace?”

“It’s my day off. I thought I’d come home and check on the place. Besides, I forgot Brundle’s favorite blanket.”

“Brundle?”

His smile widened to a fond grin.

“My wobbly, old hound dog. She’s my best friend in the whole world. I usually bring her blanket wherever we’re staying, but I’ve been so swept up in work that I forgot about it until now.”

“That’s so sweet… She’s lucky to have you.”

“I think I’m the lucky one.”

A comfortable silence fell over them. bee’s eyelids eventually fluttered shut again on their own volition. Julian tsked and soothed her cheek with his thumb.

“C’mon, honey… Stay awake for me.”

A soft, adoring heat spread from her chest to her shoulders; from her shoulders to her neck and cheeks; from her neck to her back to her butt; from her butt to her thighs; from her thighs to her calves and toes. Every inch of her body felt a way she hadn’t felt in a long time—actually, maybe _ever_. All he did was call her a sweet, shortened version of his already precious pet name for her, and she was putty.

“Why’re you so nice to me?” she mumbled, trying to avoid acknowledging the very real fact that Julian’s attention made her body sing.

There was a beat between them.

“Should I be mean?”

Her breathing began to even out.

“...Mm-mm… but we… barely… know each other…” she told him, brain melting into the pillow beneath her head.

His words were indecipherable, but they were along the lines of _something something something pee yourself_.

“Mm,” she hummed, not really hearing him as she drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

 

 

A while later, bee awoke to a room as black as pitch. She sat up slowly, her head pounding. Her hand slid across the bed in search for her savior, but the sheets were cold and empty.

“Julian?” she called, voice dry and gravelly with sleep. There was no answer. She tossed the blanket back and readjusted her tangled pants. “Juuuliaaaan?” she singsonged. Still nothing.

bee stood slowly, making sure she wasn’t going to tumble to the ground. Her feet shuffled to the bedroom door, and she pulled it open to find the hall dark, too. A soft, flickering light coaxed her toward the front of his little apartment. She turned the corner and saw him slumped over his desk. His left arm was bent on the workspace, and his left cheek was smushed against his forearm. His sharp, pale features were illuminated by a very short and very drippy candlestick sitting in a teacup next to his head. bee rushed forward and moved it away from his erratic curls before the flame could catch them.

She glanced back down at the doctor in wonder. His handsome face looked so sweet and relaxed as he slept. Before she realized it, she reached for the auburn hair that fell in front of his right eye and pushed it back.

“Juli…” The rest of his name was lost in her throat, but she realized she liked it that way. Her index finger traced down the bridge of his nose, and the hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. Her hand grazed from his cheek to his shoulder, and she squeezed it lightly. “Juli, wake up.”

A soft groan rolled up his throat, and bee’s chest clenched at the sound. Grey eyes slowly fluttered open, and he took a moment to regain his bearings before he looked up at her.

“You’re awake,” he said as he unfolded himself from his position.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I know I shouldn’t have, but I—”

He reached for her hand and squeezed it.

“I’m just glad you’re awake now. How’re you feeling?”

“A lot better,” she told him. “My head still hurts, but not as bad. Thank you for saving me.”

“It was my fault.”

“Yeah, but you rescued me, didn’t you?”

The pair smiled at each other.

“Let me make you something to eat,” he urged as he stood from his desk.

“It’s okay, I should really be getting home.”

“You slept all day. You’re probably starving.”

“Juli, I’m fine.”

He smiled at her nickname for him.

“Well, you’re not leaving here until you drink at least a whole glass of water.”

 

 

On their way to the shop, Julian stopped her to look into the flowing aqueducts.

“Look,” he urged, pointing into the depths. She squatted next to the edge to see. Inky shadows swam through the sparkling water.

“What are they?”

“Vampire eels.” His voice was closer now, as he had squatted, too.

bee dipped her fingers into the water curiously, and the three creatures swam up toward her at an incredible speed she didn’t expect. Julian yanked her hand away, and her head whipped to the right in shock. Her jaw went slack with her confusion, and before she could ask why he did that, Julian explained.

“One bite can kill a person within minutes.”

An embarrassed blush kissed her cheeks and she looked away. He still held her hand in his and caressed his thumb across the back of it in reassurance.

“Where are they from?” she asked.

“I’m not sure, but I think the Count brought them in from somewhere. They have some swimming around under the bridge to the palace, but the ones out here seem to only swim in this part of the city.”

bee frowned. This isn’t the first thing she’d heard about the elusive Count. Asra told her he was ruthless and petulant; he always had to get his way. It made sense that he would bring an invasive and dangerous species to Vesuvia for fun.

She reluctantly pulled her hand from his, stood, and pushed her glasses up her nose. A gentle breeze crawled over her skin through the sheer fabric of her scarf, and she tugged it tighter around her—though it wouldn’t do much.

“Getting cold?” Julian smiled up at her as he rose to his full height. “C’mere, honey bee.” His long arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Most of the windows on their way to the shop were dark, though a few still glowed yellow with soft candlelight from inside. They were quiet for most of the journey, though the doctor would occasionally relay tidbits about some landmarks of the city.

He had to adjust his long strides, as her shorter height meant she had to work twice as hard to keep up with him. Their feet got tangled a few times, earning giggles and soft, embarrassed apologies from bee. Butterflies fluttered around in her stomach at his closeness and warmth.

“Well, this is me,” she said as they slowed to a stop in front of the shop. She glanced up to see him gazing sweetly down at her. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“No need.” Julian took her hand in his and kissed her knuckles, a custom of his she’d yet to get used to. “Goodnight, my dear.”

“Night, Juli…” She pushed the door open and looked back to see him smiling at her. With a final nod, she closed the door after her and leaned against it, trying to process everything that happened today.

Truth be told, she’d fallen for people this quickly before; in fact, she fell for people every day. She had difficulty finding the fine line between general niceties and flirtation. But somehow, this felt different. Julian made the deliberate effort to make her laugh. His pet names made her blush. He helped her when she turned into a mess. He made sure she was safe, and warm, and cared for. His touches were always respectful, yet soft and intimate. He listened to her talk about her passions, and she listened to him talk about his.

For the rest of the night, she argued with herself over the thought that this could be the first time she was reading someone’s intentions right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee).
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


	5. A Magician's Hand

Asra padded into the kitchen, but bee didn’t hear him.

“bee?”

Her head rested in the palm of her hand as she leaned against the table on her elbow. Her gaze was far off out the window, not focusing on anything in particular.

“ _bee?_ ”

Still, no response from her. The magician sighed and nudged her shoulder, prompting her head to whip toward him. Her wide eyes softened when she realized it was just him.

“Morning,” she croaked, voice dry and cracking.

“I didn’t hear you come in last night.” He plopped into the chair opposite her, golden sunbeams streaming across his bare, tanned chest. His eyes shined like amethysts with the light reflected off the table, and bee smiled to herself at how gorgeous they were. His fluffy, white bed head was somehow the cutest bed head she’d ever seen on someone. His lithe-yet-muscular arm hung over the back of the chair, opening him up to her. Asra was probably one of the most beautiful people she’d ever met. “Where’d you go yesterday?”

“I was in the South End, but I had a bit of an… accident.” His brows knitted in concern, but she waved him off. “Nothing too serious. I ran into Julian—well, he _scared_  me while I was sitting against a wall, and I hit my head on the stone when I tried to look up at him...”

“Are you okay?”

She smiled. “I’m fine. He took care of me. I ended up falling asleep at his place, and that’s why I didn’t come back here until late. I didn’t want to wake you, and I wasn’t that tired anyway, so I stayed up and wrote up some notes.”

“You were up _all night_? Did you eat anything?” His concern was touching, and bee snickered at him.

“Asra, I’m okay.” Just then, her stomach growled. _Loud._ Her eyes widened in shock. “Oh, myfuckinggod.”

Asra tried to stifle his laugh but couldn’t help letting it burst from his lips.

“Let me make breakfast,” he offered.

“Thanks.”

He stood from their table and set off to make some French toast—another recipe bee brought from her home country. It seemed wherever she went, _someone_ wanted to make a dish native to her, and she was absolutely flattered.

“How did all your readings go yesterday?”

“They were good,” he answered. She could hear the slight smile in his voice. “Had some really good conversations with them.” Her eyes fell to his butt, which jiggled slightly under his loose, linen sleep pants as he mixed all the ingredients together. bee tore her eyes away and searched for anything else to look at. _I shouldn’t be staring at his ass,_ she scolded herself.

But it was just so fucking cute!

“How’s Doctor Devorak?”

“He’s good! Yesterday was his day off.” She breathed out a chuckle when she remembered how she found him once she awoke. “He got some much needed rest being away from the palace.”

“The palace?” he asked. “I thought he had a clinic in the city?”

“Clinic? He hasn’t told me about a clinic…”

Asra frowned as he placed a slice of bread onto the cast iron griddle.

“Maybe I made that up,” he offered. “I never really keep up with anything outside the neighborhood. Too much politics.”

“That’s fair. Anyway, I think I’m gonna stay in today. Maybe nap. I can help you around the shop if you need.” She stood for the first time since she got home, and her back cracked louder than she anticipated. Asra’s head jerked toward her, jaw slack with disbelief.

“Is that your _back_?”

“Y...eah…” she admitted with a blush. “I’ve been sitting here all night.”

“Want a massage?”

“You can _massage?_ ” Of _course_ he could.

He grinned at her before turning back toward the stove.

“I can. Do you want one?”

“Oh, no, it’s okay. You probably have a lot to do today.”

He side-eyed her with a smirk, silently telling her to stop worrying so much, and she sighed in defeat.

“I’d like that.”

He grinned as if he’d won a prize.

“I’ll do it after we eat. Why don’t you go get changed?” He gave her a once-over. “You’re still in yesterday’s clothes.”

bee looked down and realized he was right, then excused herself to the bathroom. She sighed and brushed through her mussed, cotton candy locks. The bags under her eyes—which usually weren’t there—were deep and sagging against her cheeks. She groaned and patted her cheeks with her fingers to wake herself up more.

Water rushed into the porcelain clawfoot tub and filled it quickly. Asra had shown her which bottles of oil were good for different uses, like relaxing or energizing. bee poured a few drops of the orange and turmeric mixture into the warm water, and then she stripped out of her day-old clothes.

She eased herself in, careful not to slip like she did the first time. Her back sighed in comfort as the warmth seeped in through her skin. She soothed her temples and neck, then set to scrubbing her body with the bar of goat milk soap that matched the oil she chose. _So coordinated,_ she mused.

After she washed every inch of herself, she stood and drained the tub, feeling much better than before. She dried herself off and then wrapped herself in her bathrobe.

As bee opened the door, she was met with Asra standing just on the other side.

“How long have you been there?”

“Actually, I was about to knock to see how long you’d be.”

They laughed, and he stepped aside so she could get into the bedroom.

Asra had set their breakfast down on the mattress, and they ate in contented silence.

“So, do you wanna do it here?” bee asked through her last bite.

“The bed’s good,” he agreed and set his plate aside. “Do you want _just_ a back massage or do you wanna go for full body?”

“Whatever you want. It’s your time.”

“bee. C’mon.” His eyes challenged her to avoid making a decision again. _Do it, I dare you,_ she could almost hear him say.

“Full body might be nice…” She leafed through her clean shirts in search of something loose and comfy.

Asra chuckled and shook his head in amusement.

“Always so modest. If we’re gonna do full, you don’t have to get dressed.”

Her cheeks heated.

“Uh… Are you sure?”

“I mean… If you’re uncomfortable with that, I can just do your back.”

She shifted her weight to her left foot. She’d be… _naked_ … in front of him? bee hadn’t been naked in front of _anyone_ before.

“I…”

“How ‘bout I start with your upper body?” he offered. “You can cover yourself with the sheet, and then we can go from there if you feel more comfortable.”

She nodded, toying with the collar of her robe.

“That sounds okay.”

Asra smiled and turned away from her, throwing his hands over his eyes dramatically.

“You can trust me, bee.”

“I know,” she breathed as she tugged on the ties to her robe and let it pool around her ankles. She hesitated, still unsure of how he’d react to seeing her. Someone would be seeing her _body_ —totally uncovered—for the first time. A _friend_ would be seeing her body.

bee smoothed her hands over her sides. Her fingertips skimmed past the valleys of her rolls. They brushed over the ridges of her stretch marks, and she held her belly pooch fondly. It had taken years to get used to her body, but suddenly her appreciation for it turned to anxiety. Someone as fit as Asra would certainly gawk at how her skin folded. How her thighs bulged at her hips. How she was painted with lines.

_Ugly._

“You on the bed yet?”

He shook her from her terrible thoughts.

“No, one sec.” She scurried onto the mattress and pulled the sheet over her; it rested just beneath her shoulders. She folded her arms under her forehead and hid her face in the pillow, letting out a muffled _okay_.

The bed dipped as he crawled up next to her.

“I’m gonna sit on your thighs so I can reach you, if that’s okay.”

“Mhm.”

Asra’s hands grazed over the sheet and up to the hem. He pulled it down toward her ass, and her back tensed.

“bee… relax.”

“Sorry…”

He squeezed her shoulders. “You don’t have to hide yourself from me. I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t willing to touch you.”

Her heart fluttered at his admission.

“Okay.”

She did her best to relax on her own, but her body was still tense. Asra chuckled to himself and poured a few drops of lavender oil on her back. _So much for the orange and turmeric,_ she thought. bee jolted slightly at his touch, but his hands were warm and wonderful. Slowly— _ever_ so slowly—she melted into the mattress. He squeezed her, rubbed her, kneaded her. His hands were everywhere at once, yet there was no hesitation in his movements. He wasn’t afraid of her. Wasn’t disgusted by her. And, _god,_ did it feel amazing!

“Asra…” she practically groaned. “This feels so good.”

“I’m glad.” She could hear a hint of his smile. “Can I… keep going?”

“Mhm.”

He pulled the sheet down past her feet, and the cool air sent a shiver up her spine. Her body hair stood on end, and she squirmed, trying to ease away the feeling of bugs crawling up her skin. She’d always been so sure of herself and her looks, but having someone—an attractive someone—see her in all her fat, hairy glory was enough to put her on edge.

“Sorry I have literal fucking forests on my legs…” she mumbled into the pillow. “I haven’t shaved in… probably over a year now.”

Asra chuckled and pinched the back of her thigh.

“Don’t be. We don’t have the same customs about body hair that I’m sure your culture does—if it’s anything like what I’ve heard from other travelers.” His fingers pressed into her right calf and massaged her muscles into jelly. “A lot of people here find it attractive, actually.”

A soft blush crept back across bee’s cheeks.

“Oh?”

“Stop worrying so much,” he chided. “You’re beautiful.”

“Thank you…”

They spent the rest of their time in silence, with occasional hums or slight moans of appreciation from bee. Asra’s gentle-yet-firm hands ghosted over her and pressed on all the right places, which relaxed her even further—if that was even possible. Eventually, her breathing slowed and she drifted off to much needed sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee).
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


	6. A Piece of Home

Streams of sunlight peeked through the curtains and kissed bee’s cheeks and neck. She lazily blinked her eyes open and stretched out her legs. A soft groan escaped her as she basked in the warmth like a cat. As the gears in her brain grumbled to life, she realized someone was missing from the mattress.

“Asra?” she croaked and turned her head to see an empty pillow. The last thing she remembered was him massaging her thighs, and she realized she still didn’t have any clothes on. _How long did I sleep? What day is it?_

She stretched the rest of her body, letting her joints crack until she was satisfied. The sheet had bunched up just above her boobs, which she was grateful for—she surely didn’t want to flash her housemate in her sleep.

Her bladder screamed at her, and she reluctantly rolled out of bed to pee. A cool breeze ghosted across her skin and sent an uncomfortable shiver up her spine. She searched for any of her shirts and even her robe, but it looked like Asra collected all their laundry so he could wash it.

“Ugggggh, whyyyyyy…” she groaned, frantically looking for anything that resembled clothing. She pulled her day bag—fashioned from a ratty, old t-shirt—out from its spot under the bed. “Maybe there’s a sweater or something in here…. Aha!” Her hand gripped at the clothing inside and yanked it out, but her brows furrowed with confusion. _This isn’t mine…_ she thought, turning the fabric right-side-out. She breathed in sharply when she realized what it was.

Julian’s pirate shirt.

A smile tugged at her lips as she thought of the towering doctor. She slipped it over her head and inhaled his musky scent. Her mind wandered to his gorgeous smile, and she briefly wondered what his reaction would be if she wore this for him— _just_ this.

A giggle bubbled up her throat as she stood and finished her mission to the bathroom. After relieving herself, she washed her hands and examined her face in the mirror. She looked radiant—obviously well rested from the massage and sleeping for… however long. Her bubblegum hair haloed her head, and she smiled wider at the thought of a morning after with Julian. Bed head and _just_ the shirt…

She had to admit… it made her feel sexy.

 _Guess that massage did more than just help my muscles,_ she mused, delighted at the boost in self-esteem.

She shook her head and padded out of the bathroom, kneeling by the bed again. She pulled her suitcase out from beneath the bed; she was _positive_ she had at least a dress left. No matter how much Asra insisted, she didn’t want to take up space in his dresser and closet, though that would probably change if he was the one doing the laundry this week.

Nothing. She sighed and sat back on her ankles in defeat.

What did catch her attention, though, was the folded, yellow fabric beneath her makeup bag.

bee listened carefully to make sure Asra wasn’t suddenly upstairs before pulling her hand-crocheted baby blanket from her bags. She held it to her nose and inhaled its soft, clean scent; it still smelled like the soap she washed it with before she left home. A fond smile spread across her cheeks as she nuzzled into it and leaned back against the mattress.

The thing had gone with her practically everywhere since she was born. Daycare, sleep overs, summer camp, university… now Vesuvia. She hadn’t had the opportunity to sleep with it here, as she didn’t want her housemate to tease her about something so childish, but she usually had it clutched to her chest or beneath her head at night. Going this long without it made her stomach tight with guilt, even though it was _technically_ just a blanket.

 _Don’t even think that_ , she scolded herself. It had been a gift from her great aunt, an avid crocheter among her extended family. Her grandmother actually objected giving it to her; she thought she would ruin it somehow. _As if a baby could do much damage to something so skillfully crafted._ Luckily, her mother—ever resentful of _her_ mother—gave it to bee anyway out of spite. And to this day, the blanket was in near-perfect condition.

_“Squeeze!”_

bee jumped at Faust’s voice and searched for her. The periwinkle snake poked her head out from the foot of the bed, and they smiled at each other. Since their first meeting, bee had gotten used to her presence, and she’d even come to feel at ease whenever Faust was around—even though a _talking snake_ still made her head spin.

“Hey, cutie.” She leaned over and scratched beneath Faust’s chin, and her little tongue popped out happily. “What are you doing up here?”

_“Find you!”_

“Well, you found me!” She held out her arm so she could slither up it—a feeling she still shivered at. “Where’s Asra?”

_“Market.”_

“Aha. Probably getting some supplies. Maybe a treat for you, hm?”

Faust licked her jawline, and she giggled at the foreign feeling.

_“Blanket?”_

bee looked down at the heap in her hands as the snake settled on her shoulders. She bunched it between her fingers and held it up so Faust could feel it.

“It’s my baby blanket. It was a gift from when I was born. I usually sleep with it, but I don’t want Asra to think I’m silly.”

Faust nuzzled against her in reassurance, and bee smiled to herself.

“I think you’re s—”

“OH, MY GOD!” bee _really_ jumped at the sound of Asra’s voice before she could process what was going on. She turned toward him and saw him standing in the doorway to their bedroom with two cloth bags on his arm and their laundry basket in his hands. “Stop fucking sneaking up on me!” she hissed.

 _“Rude!”_ Faust agreed.

Asra laughed and set the bags on the bed.

“I was _saying_ … I think you’re silly for thinking I would think you were silly.”

A blush crawled across bee’s cheeks.

“I just thought that it would seem childish…”

“It’s sweet that you still have that.”

He sat down next to her and held his hands out. She gave him the blanket, and he took his time looking at it, smelling it, feeling it, and admiring the intricacy of the multi-colored animals crocheted onto it.

“My great-aunt made it for me.” Asra handed it back to her, and she wrapped it around her back like a cape. Faust snuggled up beneath it and poked her head out at the edge. “I take it everywhere. It’s the only thing I’ve never let go of.”

“Don’t let me keep you from sleeping with it… Don’t sacrifice your comfort for me.”

bee smiled to herself and leaned over to rest her head on his shoulder. Faust kissed Asra’s cheek.

“You’re a great roommate.”

“You too. And hey…” he began. “You’re not afraid to look like the _morning after_ in front of me. I mean really? Doctor Devorak’s shirt?” His smirk grew to an open-mouthed grin, and he laughed as she shoved him away. Her gaze fell through the bedroom door to the edge of a rolled up _something_ just next to the stairs.

“Is that _another_ rug?”

“...Maybe.”

“You have a serious rug hoarding problem.”

“It spoke to me,” he smoothed.

“Like the other _five_ you put in the living room?”

“Whose fault is it that you were too busy sleeping to keep me from bringing it home?”

“Don’t blame me for this!”

_“Bitch!”_

Both their eyes widened, and bee’s laugh died in her throat.

“Faust, no…” she whispered.

“Did you teach her that?”

“I… Uh… I… no?”

He rolled his eyes and picked Faust off her shoulders, cradling her close to his chest.

“You’ll get this back when you stop using such foul language.”

bee’s jaw dropped as Asra sauntered out of the room, the little snake’s head popping up from over his shoulder to look at her.

“...Bitch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here.](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee)
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


	7. Field Note #13

_Recently, Vesuvia has been quite lively for what it’s worth, though there is definitely a lull during the evenings. When I first arrived, most of the city seemed deserted, save for the market. There seems to be something occupying everyone’s time, but I’m not sure what. I’ve asked around, though no one has been very specific. I’m wondering if it’s because I’m still too new to Vesuvia for them to tell me anything that might turn me off from their beautiful city._

_Asra doesn’t know anything. Or, at least he hasn’t said anything to me if he does know. He mostly tends to his shop while I write or explore or peruse the market. He does leave from time to time to go “visit an old friend,” but I’ve never heard their name or who they are. I wonder if he really does go see someone, or if that’s just a cover for something else. Regardless, I don’t believe he knows much about what’s happening in the city._

_Selasi finally made my banana bread, and it seems like a real hit with the locals! He did such a great job with it, and he makes it along with his signature pumpkin bread every day. He is so sweet to me. I’ve never felt more at home in a new place than I do here. However, I’m wondering if I’ve messed with the culture by introducing foreign recipes. I did it mostly because it was a sure way to get the people to trust me, but now Selasi wants more treats to make, and Asra makes me my favorite meals from home all the time. I know the point of ethnography is to write about the existing culture, but it’s just so much fun to share my own culture with them._

_Does that make me a bad ethnographer?_

_If it does… then I don’t wanna be good._

_I haven’t been to the South End in about a week. I still never got to spend a lot of time there because of an accident, so perhaps I’ll go back in a few days to people watch. Last time I was there, I was dehydrated and almost collapsed. Luckily, I found a shaded wall in an empty alley, but then Julian scared me, and I hit my head on the stone wall behind me. When it happened, I thought I might’ve died because my vision just totally went black, but I heard him trying to help me, and his face was the first thing I saw when the spots cleared._

_Julian’s been working so much at the palace that I haven’t seen him around much, but apparently he has days off—he had one that day. And even on his day off, he took the initiative to help me. I think he’s a good doctor. He’s so attentive and caring, and he has the best bedside manner I’ve ever seen. I mean, except when he falls asleep at his own desk._

_I don’t think Asra likes him very much, which is a little weird to me, but I can’t just ask him about it; I don’t wanna sound paranoid. They don’t really know each other from what I’ve seen, but every time I bring him up, or the Rowdy Raven, or the palace, Asra’s face sours or his shoulders stiffen. I don’t know what it is. Maybe he senses something about him that I don’t. Still, I think if they just spent a little time together, they’d get along._

_Because like… okay. At first, I really thought he was going to be a pompous asshole when I met him, but I like Julian more than I thought I would. Getting absolutely smashed with him was so fun. I’ll have to ask him when his next day off is so we can go out again._

_Not GO OUT. Just go out. To the Rowdy Raven._

_Yeah, he’s super flirty and nice to me, and I thought maybe I was reading someone right for once, but he’s treating me the same way all my previous false crushes did. I don’t know why people always insist on being flirty with me if they don’t want me. It happens every time. And, like. I’m a ballsy girl. I’ll make the first move._ Someone _has to… It’s just so embarrassing when all the signs have been there and it turns out I’m “wrong.” Yeah, OKAY. You just happen to be a super “friendly” person. Bullshit. Stop fucking flirting with me, then._

 _Besides… He probably doesn't even have time for me anyway. He’s always at the palace. He’s a doctor for god’s sake. He HEALS people. He’s so smart. So fucking smart. What would he want with a sociologist? All I do is watch people all day like a creep. And everyone_ loves _him. I mean… Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but Astacos said he’d trust Julian with his life, and then he brought me to his place and took care of me like we were old friends EVEN THOUGH I GOT SICK AND_ PISSED MYSELF _IN THE STREET IN FRONT OF HIM._

_God. What an absolute gentleman. And not to mention… a hot piece of ass (except… he’s got a little booty hehe (it’s cute though (and I lowkey want to squish it)))._

bee looked down at her notebook with furrowed brows.

“Fucking… _seriously!?_ ” she groaned and let her head drop back into the hedge. She threw her arm over her eyes dramatically. This wasn’t a field note! She’d let herself get so sidetracked that her notes turned into a _diary entry_ about Julian… “Get out of my heaaaad you stupid fuuuuuuck.”

She sat upright again and tossed the book on the little garden table. The soft spring breeze tickled the loose baby hairs on the back of her neck. At least she was out on the balcony so she wouldn’t disturb Asra with her whining.

“You okay up there?”

bee jolted forward with a fright and stood to look over the balcony ledge. The magician in question gazed up at her from the back alley with a smirk on his face.

“Uh, yeah. Just daydreaming.”

“Okay, you weirdo… I brought back dinner.” He held up a bag. “Stuff for curry.”

A smile crept over bee’s cheeks.

“For me?” she singsonged in an exaggerated southern belle accent. “Why, Asra I _do_ declare!”

He laughed and quirked a brow at her.

“ _What_ are you doing?”

She continued her persona, unable to keep a straight face. “Well, it’s just _so_ charmin’ that a young farm hand such as yourself would go out of your way to bring me fresh ingredients for supper!” She tossed her hand over her forehead. “Why, my sweet little heart has been _swooned_.”

“You’re _so weird!_ Can you just let me in?”

In a flash, bee bounded down the steps and into the shop, then through the mudroom to the back door. She cracked it just enough to poke her head through. Asra rounded the corner and narrowed his eyes in confusion.

“bee, what—”

“Password?”

“C’mon, bee.”

“Wrong.”

“The chicken is getting warm.”

“Mm-mm.”

“Please?”

“Nope.”

Asra’s face twisted into a frustrated scowl.

“The broccoli is wilting.”

“That’s not it eith—”

bee’s eyes widened when she realized Asra’s lips were on hers. He’d reached out with his free hand and cradled the back of her head to deepen the kiss. It was soft and sweet, and bee’s eyes fluttered shut as she melted into his warm touch. Before she knew it, he pulled away again, his hand ghosting over her cheek. He swiped his thumb over her lower lip with a smile. She stood there in awe, not knowing what the hell just happened, but Asra pushed past her before she could react.

What the fuck. What the _fuck_?

Why did he _do_ that? Why did he do _that?_

“H… hey!” She chased after him up to their apartment. “That’s cheating!”

“I’d call it ‘tactical romance,’” he mused as he set all the groceries out on the kitchen counter and prepped all the food. “I’m gonna get this recipe right this time; I promise. Carrots first and broccoli last.” He laughed to himself, probably at the memory of their last curry night. bee stood at the top of the staircase, just watching him.

She’d admitted before that he was probably the most beautiful person she’d ever met, but… had he always been so… positively radiant?

 _It’s probably just the magic-hour sun coming in from the window…_ she thought.

But she wasn’t totally convinced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here.](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee)
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


	8. Plague?

Today, bee decided she wanted to _really_ partake in a cultural event. No more observing from the outside. She was going to enjoy Vesuvian culture firsthand. Luckily, there was a performance going on at the Community Theatre, so she decided she’d go support some local talent. On her way through Center City, she ran into—quite literally—her favorite doctor.

“Oh!” She looked up to see a mess of red curls and a sharp, pale nose. “Sorry, Juli!” He held her at arm’s length to steady her and smiled.

“It’s alright! I didn’t see you there.”

Her stomach flipped at the sound of his laugh.

bee had seen Julian around once in awhile, mostly in passing at the market or the Rowdy Raven—which she could find her way to and from on her own now, _thank you very much_. After their unplanned meeting in the South End, she’d always carried a bag with his shirt and pants in case she saw him again. Secretly, she had wanted to keep the shirt for herself, but she didn’t want Asra to make fun of her for wearing it again. To her surprise, though, the third time she and Julian met, he insisted—in a playfully suggestive way—that she keep them. _A little something to remember me by_ , he’d said.

Fine by her.

“Are you off duty today, Doctor?” she asked with a teasing seriousness.

“I am, actually.” He let his hands glide down her arms to hers and backed up a step, drinking her in as she was him. He stood before her in all his casual glory, wearing the classic white pirate shirt and a pair of black trousers. She almost couldn’t imagine him wearing anything else. “What are you doing all dolled up like this?”

“I wouldn’t say _dolled up_ …” She glanced away from him, embarrassed of her blush. She wore a tight, blue shirt with long sleeves and an off-the-shoulder neckline, a black skirt with blue and white painted flowers, and white, strappy wedge sandals. “I wanted to look a little bit nicer because I’m going to the theater.”

“The theater, you say?” Julian twirled her around, and she laughed as the world blurred. The skirt fanned out and then wrapped around her legs as he pulled her into his chest. She could hide her blush before, but she certainly couldn’t now. “I used to perform.”

“Oh?” she forced out, trying to sound composed.

“I was the best and most handsome actor in Goldgrave! People flocked for my performances.”

“Well, you _are_ dramatic.”

Julian raved about his time on stage, which had taken a place on the back burner in favor of his work at the palace. He told tales of memorizing lines, dazzling the audience and his castmates, and even sabotage of the worst kind—laxatives slipped into his drink before an opening show.

“No!”

“Yes!” He cheered, laughing as they stumbled into each other. “But as they say: the show must go on, my dear.”

He walked with her to Goldgrave—since he was on his way to the South End anyway—and he asked about some of her findings and other observations. He would occasionally interrupt with little comments of how _of course they like you, my dear_ and _one doesn’t need to be five salty bitters deep to be enticed by your brilliance, honey bee._

She couldn’t help but blush as she admired the man on their little journey. He was so passionate about everything—including her own interests. His eyes gleamed with curiosity as she told him about the deserted evening streets and bustling market—about the friendly people she met and how they all seemed to hurry away to do something else.

Her hunch about the unusually empty streets being a cultural characteristic was half-correct. Most people were working, just trying to make ends meet due to the intense poverty brought on by the Count’s frivolous spending. But Julian revealed another reason the people were scarce.

“ _Plague?_ ” She halted in her tracks. Julian turned back to her and frowned.

“I could swear I already told you… maybe I just thought about it.”

“You’re telling me. That there’s a _plague._ Here. In Vesuvia?” She stared at him, jaw to the ground. “But… how?”

“What do you mean _how?_ ”

“You haven’t found a cure? There’s not even a preventative vaccine?”

“Vaccine?”

Her brows knitted in confusion. “You don’t have vaccines?” The pitch of her voice raised with her increasing frustration. “Like, injections?”

“Are you talking about blood transfusion?”

She shook her head, hands fluttering wildly as she spoke.

“It’s like… like… you put a little strain of a disease in someone so their body can learn to fight it off.”

Now _Julian’s_ brows knitted.

“Why would you _expose_ someone to a disease to help them _fight_ a disease?”

“I don’t know how it works. It just does.” She sighed. “Haven’t you found a way to stop other diseases from spreading?”

“This isn’t like anything we’ve seen before. Trust me, we’re trying everything.”

bee felt her knees go weak, and she plopped down on an old crate by the aqueduct. This didn’t make any sense. She’d learned about the European Black Death of the 14th Century, but treatment had advanced so much since then that it had basically been eradicated. How was there a _plague_ in this day and age?

“What happens when people get it?” she asked, curiosity getting the better of her. Julian crouched beside her and licked his lips in thought.

“I don’t want to worry you,” he warned.

“Well, it’s too fuckin’ late for that. I need to know what to look out for.”

He sighed. “The Red Plague starts by giving the victim a cough, followed by feverish symptoms and the eventual weakening of the body. Hallucinations and fits of paranoia. It can wreak its havoc within days.”

“Why’s it called the Red Plague?” _Sounds like the Bubonic Plague to me,_ she thought.

Julian shifted uncomfortably.

“Julian…”

“Another symptom… is that the sclera—the white of the eye—turns red when someone is infected.”

“What the fuck…?”

“Yeah… I’ve been working on a cure with other doctors at the palace, but nothing is helping.”

“How are you keeping yourself safe?” She had to try so hard to keep her voice from shaking. Julian was a grown man. He was a _doctor._ He could take care of himself. He definitely didn’t need to be worried after, especially by an acquaintance-at-best.

But she couldn’t help it.

“On house calls and when working with cadavers, we wear these big, bird-like masks stuffed with herbs. Kind of comical, really.” _Not comical at all,_ she thought. “And we wear long aprons and leather gloves up to our elbows. We have it under control. Well, not the plague… but none of us have contracted it.”

“That’s good to hear.” She fisted her hands in the fabric of her skirt. “If you get sick, I’ll kick your ass,” she threatened. “Who else is going to take care of me after a night of drinking?”

Julian’s musical laugh could light the entire city. It made bee smile for the first time since the conversation started, and she replayed it over and over in her head so she’d never forget it.

“I’ll always be your hangover doctor, honey bee.”

She shoulder-checked him playfully before standing up.

“I think I’m gonna go home and write up some more of my field notes.”

“What about the play?”

She shrugged, slinging the cloth bag he’d given her on their morning after over her shoulder.

“Are you gonna walk me back or not?”

Julian stood and gave a dramatic, deep bow.

“Who am I to refuse a damsel?”

bee rolled her eyes and laced her arm with his.

“At least I’m sober this time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here.](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee)
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


	9. Secret Secrets Are No Fun

bee wasn’t sober for long.

After Julian dropped her off at the shop, she almost went in. She _really_ thought about it. But before she could push the heavy, walnut door open, she’d spun on her heel and headed back in the direction they came from. She had made sure to avoid Julian because she didn’t want to explain herself, and she did so with ease; she wasn’t after him. She was after a drink. _Many_ drinks.

Not only had Asra kept the plague from her, but he _lied_ about knowing. It wasn’t the act of lying she hated, but the broken trust that came from being lied to by someone she cared about.

That’s why bee stumbled into the shop, vision blurred and balance askew, at one in the morning. She struggled to find the stairs in the dark and tripped over the coffee table in the waiting area. The vase of flowers she’d put there the other day tumbled to the floor, but luckily Asra’s pile of rugs kept it from shattering.

“Fuck,” she muttered.

“bee?” Asra called from upstairs. His footsteps approached the top of the staircase, and light poured down as he pulled back the curtain to their apartment. She squinted up at him.

“Yeah…” She bent over to pick up the flowers and set them back on the table, only for her to knock into it again when she stood up too fast. “God DAMN it!”

“Just leave it! I’ll get it tomorrow.” Asra rushed down to her. “Come here. Let me get you some water.” She swayed on her feet as he reached for her and stared at his hand. “C’mon...”

bee pushed past him and stomped up the stairs. Her anger was too much to handle, especially in such an inebriated state. Even when she was sober, her throat would close up and tears would fall. She wasn’t an angry person at all, but being lied to was the exception.

“Please talk to me!”

“Leave me alone, Asra,” she barely muttered without looking back. “Or maybe I should call you Ass-ra, since you’re such an asshole.”

“bee, _what?_ ” He chased after her up to their apartment, clearly exasperated. “What did I do?!”

“I said leave me alone!” She slid the door to the balcony open but struggled to shut it behind her, the door having fallen off its track. As she wrestled with it, Asra forced it back open.

“Stop it!” he chided, voice shaking.

bee huffed and fell into her hanging wicker chair. She curled her legs up beneath her and watched her roommate carefully as the swing turned with her weight.

“What is going _on_?” Asra pleaded from the doorway. “It’s after midnight, you came home drunk and angry and alone. I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what the problem is.”

“Why’dn’t you tell me there’s a _plague_?” bee cried, slurring her words.

He watched her with wide eyes as she burrowed further into the shadows of the chair. The magician’s chest heaved, and he let his head fall in defeat.

“I didn’t want to scare you,” he ceded.

“I been askin’ you—” Her gag reflex tensed for a moment, and she gripped the edge of the chair with white knuckles as she fought to keep her stomach from turning. “...fer _weeks_ what’s been goin’ on, and you decided it wasn’important to tell me thatthere’safuckin _plague_!” Asra’s eyes sparkled in the moonlight, and bee cursed herself for noticing. “It made sensethat Julian kepit from me, bein’a fuckin’ _doctor_ and tryna fuckin’ cure it, but _you?_ Yer s’posed to be my fuckin’ _friend!_ ”

“I am!”

“Frrriends don’t lie t’each other!”

Asra toyed with his necklace, twisting it anxiously.

“I didn’t lie.”

“ _You_ told _me_ that you _didn’t know_ what was goin’ on here!”

She let her tears fall freely as he inched toward her and knelt in front of the swing. Like a stubborn child, she refused to look at him anymore. Her stomach churned, but she would not let herself get sick; she was going to stand her ground and stay out there all night if that’s what it took.

“Do you even have an _old friend_ , or are you just hiding more from me?”

Asra’s warm, golden hand entwined with hers, and she slowly met his gaze to find his eyes shining with tears of his own. Her heart broke in that instant. He was too beautiful to cry.

“I work at the palace with Doctor Devorak.”

bee’s eyes blew wide, but he kept speaking before she could interject.

“Nadia—the Countess—hired me to work with the doctors to find a cure for the plague. Count Lucio contracted it, and she called for the best healers to come live in the palace to save the Count. I agreed to help, but I couldn’t just abandon my shop. Plus, I saw you coming here in a vision; I needed to be here for you.” Asra swallowed hard and looked away, voice raspy as he continued. “That’s how I know so much about Lucio. That’s why Doctor Devorak knows me. And that’s why I go visit an old friend… visit Nadia.”

Hot tears tickled the woman’s cheeks, and Asra wiped them away with his thumb.

“Why didn’t you _tell me_?” she begged.

“I didn’t want you to leave me.”

“W-what?”

“I was afraid that… if I told you… that you’d leave me. Leave Vesuvia. But I can’t let you leave me, bee…” His thumb soothed the back of her hand. “I love waking up next to you every morning. I love cooking for you. I love that you don’t care about how messy I am or that I steal the blanket or that I burped in front of you that one time.”

She laughed through a sniffle at that memory. _Damn it…_

“I love when you throw your leg over me at night. I love the sound of your laugh. I love the way your eyebrows furrow when you’re writing. I love that you trust me enough to sleep with your baby blanket around me. bee… you’re one of the most important people I’ve ever met. You’re intelligent. You’re kind. You’re strong—stronger than I’ll ever be. I need you here… I need you.” Asra bent his head and kissed her knuckles.

bee’s eyes were wide with shock at his confession. Was he… saying what she thought he was saying? This person—this _beautiful_ person—was on his knees admitting that he cared _deeply_ enough for her to lie about a plague just to keep her around him.

“Asra… I’m s—”

“Don’t. Don’t apologize. You’re right. I should’ve told you.” He hung his head again. “But now you know why I didn’t.”

The magician rested his forehead on her lap and kept stroking her knuckles with his thumb. bee reached for him with her other hand and carded her fingers through his hair. Her nails scratched his scalp, and if she weren’t so drunk, she would’ve noticed his little purr at the sensation.

“Asra…”

Her hands slid down his cheeks to cup his jaw. His amethyst eyes shined up at her, and she pulled him up to meet her. Their noses brushed, and her heart raced in her chest. His hands fell to her knees, and bee’s eyes fluttered closed as she pressed her lips to his in a chaste kiss. Her fingers found their place back in his hair and he rose up on his knees to meet her movements. His fingertips squeezed her thighs as his soft lips melded with hers. He was perfect. Sweet. Tender. bee could live in his embrace forever.

“M’sorry,” she muttered into his lips as she pulled back for air.

“Shut up,” he breathed as he cupped her cheeks in his warm palms and kissed her again. “Let’s get you to bed, bee.”

* * *

bee stood in the bathroom, perfecting her third coat of mascara. She was going to ask Asra to dinner—her treat—as an apology for the way she reacted to him. She _never_ drank angry, and she was never angry when she drank, so her stomach rolled with guilt at the state of herself that night. She just hated being lied to by someone she put her trust in—something she didn’t just go around doing with everyone.

Every time she thought about how she acted, she cringed with embarrassment. She was basically a child throwing a tantrum; she should’ve just sat down with Asra and talked to him directly. Still, at least it was over now.

She leaned into the mirror once more to wipe away the smudged mascara under her lashes and noticed Asra coming in behind her.

“bee, are your ears pierced?”

“Yeah, why?” She turned to face him but stumbled backwards into the sink when she realized how close his hands were to her face. Her eyes crossed trying to focus on what was in his hands, but they were at the sides of her head before she could see.

“I bought you some earrings.” He tilted his head in thought. “They look great. Put them on!”

He pressed them into her hand and pushed her so she faced the mirror again. bee laughed at their reflection; he stood behind her like an excited child, waiting to see how she’d react to his gift.

“You’re too good to me. You know that?” She turned the gold, dangly teardrops in her fingers before putting on one after the other.

Asra pulled her hair back behind her neck and rested his chin in its place, snaking his arms around her waist. His eyes sparkled up at her in the mirror.

“You’re too humble for your own good,” he told her. “You look beautiful.”

bee’s blush could’ve rivaled the Sun’s heat. How could someone as amazing as Asra think she was worth gifting something so lovely, just because? Especially after such an immature display the night before.

“Thank you…”

He kissed her shoulder and squeezed her close to him. bee smiled to herself and let her head rest on his, eyes falling closed in contentment.

“I’m going out of town for a while…”

Her eyes snapped open again.

“Oh…”

“Oh?”

“That’s what the earrings are for, then.”

Asra’s brows furrowed.

“No, I just thought you’d like them.”

“Save it,” bee muttered, looking down at her feet. “You don’t have to lie to me again.”

“bee…” He reached for her and caressed her hand with his thumb. “I already told you I’m sorry for not telling you.”

“But you’re trying to hide things from me again.” She turned to face him. “Trying to cover them up with gifts. It’s not fair to me, Asra.”

He sighed.

“You’re right. But this is something I have to do for myself.”

“Whatever it is, you don’t have to do it alone…”

“But I do.” He lifted her hand to his cheek and nuzzled it, then pressed a kiss to her palm. “It’s nothing bad. I just need time to myself.” Her roommate retreated to the bedroom, and she followed after him.

“Asra, I can leave if—”

“No. It’s not you. I promise.”

“When will you be back?”

“I don’t know… but I’m leaving Faust to keep you company while I’m away.”

He returned to packing the rest of his bag. bee’s throat swelled with sadness as tears filled her eyes. She looked at her feet again and shied away from him.

“Is it because I kissed you?” she whispered.

Asra’s head whipped up from his bag.

“Why would you think that?”

She shrugged and turned away toward the living room.

“I have a track record of ruining things.”

“You didn’t ruin anything, bee.”

“Would you tell me if you were leaving because of me?” Asra’s feet padded against their rugs as he came up behind her and squeezed her hand with a sad smile.

“No. But I can tell you that this isn’t because of you.” He laced her fingers with his.

“Are you leaving tonight?”

“Of course not. I wouldn’t miss dinner with you.”

Still uneasy, bee smiled and nodded to herself, muttering a soft _okay_ before she left him to finish packing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here.](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee)
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


	10. Sardine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got away from me a little bit, but hopefully all the fluff and flirtation is worth it!

The Rowdy Raven crawled with patrons. It wasn’t unusual for the tavern to be lively, but bee wasn’t in the mood to make friends or dance. She just wanted to wallow in her misery and drink until she got sleepy. Her shoulders rose and fell as she sighed and looked down into her glass. She knew she shouldn’t be drinking; she’d already fucked up two days earlier with Asra. This was the most alcohol she’d had in a long time, and she knew she needed to quit soon.

“And you didn’t. Invite. Me.”

bee glanced up with a smile at her favorite, sarcastic plague doctor. _Plague doctor,_ she thought, _how fucking insane is that?_

“Lucky for you, my date just left,” she joked with fake nonchalance.

Julian’s brows furrowed.

“Date?”

“I’m teasing Juli. I’m here alone.”

He chuckled and plopped down in the seat across from her, spreading his arms across the back of the booth.

“Had me worried there for a second. I thought someone had snatched up my little honey bee.”

bee blushed as she sipped her drink.

“I’m not _yours,_ Julian.”

“That’s what you think.” He raised a brow in jest. bee just smiled back, albeit flustered at Julian’s blatantly flirtatious banter. She knew he wasn’t actually into her like that, but it sure was fun to mess around.

“We _barely_ see each other, and when we do, I end up getting hurt,” she teased.

He rolled his eyes with a smile.

“You’ve really got to get over that. It just gives us an excuse to _play doctor_.” He waggled his eyebrows, and bee laughed.

The doctor in question stood once more and excused himself to the bar. She watched him saunter away, commanding the room as he swept his arms out in greeting to the others that clearly adored him. bee didn’t blame them; Julian was tall, charming, and attractive, and he knew how to effortlessly woo an audience. It was amusing to watch him kiss the backs of hands and give deep, dramatic bows; to play-sword-fight; to laugh with his head tilted back just enough to get a good view of his throat.

His kissable… lickable… biteable throat…

bee shook that thought from her head as Julian slid back into the booth again, on her side this time. He tossed his impossibly-spindly legs up onto the other seat, crossed at the ankles, and lay his arm on the ledge behind her shoulders. She smiled at his casualness and leaned back a bit as she relaxed with his closeness.

“So, how’s the little writer?” he asked after a sip of his drink. Pale fingers gripped the tankard handle with ease, and bee admired how long and thin they were.

“I’m kinda in a weird place right now.” She ran her finger around the rim of her glass absentmindedly. “I shouldn’t be here. I’m drinking too much. I know I am. In general, not just tonight. I drank when I was angry, and then I took it out on Asra and now he’s gone.”

“Gone?”

“He left.” She had to fight the tears from falling. “He didn’t tell me why or where or when he’d be back. Just left. Said it wasn’t because of me, but I think it was because I got so angry and drunk and then I…”

Should she tell Julian that she kissed Asra? It’s not like they were exclusive. He probably didn’t even like her that way, anyway. He’s just a flirty guy, so what would it matter?

But she wanted him. She wanted this handsome doctor _so fucking bad_. Telling him that _she_ kissed _her roommate_ would probably turn him off to her and take her out of the running for Miss Sleeping-with-Doctor-Devorak.

“Hey. Hey. Look at me.” Julian hooked a finger under her chin and tilted her face toward his, successfully pulling her from her spiraling inner monologue. “You made a mistake. We all do it. He’s doing what he needs to do right now. You can’t force him to feel a certain way. Just give him some time.”

bee flashed a sad smile at him.

“That was surprisingly profound,” she joked, trying to alleviate the depressing vibe she’d created.

“I’m not all charisma and flirtation. I can be serious, too.”

She snorted and finished her drink.

“Yeah, _okay._ ”

“Barth!” Julian singsonged. “Another round for they lady!” _Steering away from the seriousness skid, are we, Julian?_

“I don’t wanna drink that much tonight…”

“I know… but I hate seeing you so sad.” He leaned into her space, hooded eyes sparkling as he cupped her jaw in his free hand. His closeness stole her breath away, and she was sure she looked like a lovesick fool with her doe-in-headlights eyes looking up at him. “You deserve to be happy.” His thumb stroked across her chin. “And I know you won’t dance with me until you’ve had at least two...”

“Oh, you’re _sneaky_ , huh?”

He pulled away and shrugged, trying his damnedest not to smile into his tankard.

“I’d say opportunistic. There’s a sad, pretty girl next to me in a tavern booth. I must at least _try_ to cheer her up.”

“You think I’m pretty?” she asked with a grin. Julian just gave her a knowing look and knocked back his drink. bee admired the way some of the liquid spilled from the corners of his mouth and trailed down his jaw, then throat, then collarbones. His skin glistened beneath it, and she had the sudden urge to lick all the way back up to his mouth, but she held herself back.

Once he finished chugging, he pulled bee to her feet and dragged her over to the bar for some Buttery Nipples.

“I thought you hated these,” she mused, as Barth—Astacos’s brother and the other bartender—placed two perfecly creamy shots in front of them. Julian’s nimble fingers curled around the tiny glass and raised it to her.

“Well, how else am I supposed to cheer you up other than sharing this disgustingly sweet drink with my disgustingly sweet honey bee?”

bee was positive her face was tomato red, and she knew the only way she wasn’t going to die on the spot from Julian’s flirtations was to self-deprecate back.

“I mean, you could just give me both of them.”

The man’s silver eyes gleamed with mischief.

“Do it.” He slid his shot toward her. “Double fist it.”

bee looked up at him, eyebrow quirked, as if to ask if he was sure.

“ _Now_ , my dear.” The commanding rumble in his voice was not lost to the woman as she took both drinks in one hand and tapped them on the bar before downing them both in one go. “Yes!” Julian cheered, grin wider than should be humanly possible. “Barth, two more.”

“Juli, I should really stop…”

“I think I can take care of myself if you try and get rowdy with me.”

 _God, do I want to get rowdy with you, doctor,_ she thirsted to herself.

The pair continued to drink and be merry with each other and the other patrons of the tavern well into the early morning. By last call, Julian had spun her around the place at _least_ twenty times while someone played the fiddle in the corner. His friends clapped for them as he twirled her and dipped her and lifted her up in time to the music. Sweat matted their hair to their foreheads. bee wiped Julian’s away, and he did the same for her.

The remaining patrons all slumped against their tables. A few drunken giggles caught her ear, and she could swear she heard Asra’s in the back of her mind.

Covering her chest with her arms, she hugged herself and sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Gotta go back to a lonely shop.”

Julian squeezed her shoulder as he replied, “Perhaps I could make it a little less lonely.”

Her cheeks heated under his sincere gaze. He wanted to stay with her? Maybe it was all the alcohol blurring her inhibitions, but he seemed genuine. His right brow was raised in serious curiosity—without flirtation or hidden agenda. Just a nice guy wanting to make sure his companion was taken care of.

“Y’don’t have to work tomorrow?”

“Don’t have to be back at the palace for another day.”

“Please?”

The doctor smiled.

“Anything for my sweet honey bee.”

Julian paid Barth and cheerfully announced their exit—to which the other patrons returned an enthusiastic-yet-sleepy goodbye. The pair laughed as they stumbled out of the Rowdy Raven and into the cool night. As she complained about how much her feet hurt, Julian squatted in front of bee and told her to hop upon his back. He carried her along the aqueduct, giggling and flirting the whole way to keep her mind from wandering to undesirably sad places.

His fingertips dug into her thighs securely as she bounced with each of his steps, and she couldn’t keep herself from noticing how nice it felt to have someone hold her in such a way. She buried her nose in his hair and rested her cheek on his shoulder. He smelled of sweat and sandalwood, a combination she didn’t realize was now her favorite. bee didn’t catch herself before her lips met his neck in a few chaste kisses. Julian had gone quiet as she pressed her soft lips to his skin, but she didn’t notice. She was too busy melting against him and letting her inhibitionless self show him what she thought of him. He was cute, and she liked him, and he should know it!

Before they could get too far from the tavern, though, a soft mewl caught bee’s attention. It took a moment for her to get him to slow to a stop, as the alcohol really fucked with their reflexes and sense of time.

“Ju… Julian…” she mumbled against his shoulder. The doctor turned his head toward her. “D’you hear that?”

His brows furrowed with an exaggerated look of disbelief, and bee missed the deep red blush blossoming across his cheeks from her kisses to his neck.

“bee, you’re hearin’ things,” he squeaked through a swallow.

“Yeah, tha’s’why I said somethin’.” She frowned, waiting for the sound again.

“C’mon, you’re drunk.”

“Shhh!” She smacked his shoulder to get him to stop.

_Mew!_

Her head whipped toward the alley, and she slid off his back and stalked into it.

“bee, what’re you d—“

She waved him off, arm flopping like a limp noodle behind her.

“Shut _up_ , Juli!” she hissed and tiptoed—well… as much as a drunk woman could—toward the back end of the alley. As she approached, she could hear the skittering of tiny feet and claws against the cobblestones.

She squatted, and her hands shakily lifted a crate next to the wall to reveal a grey tabby kitten tangled in a fishing net. She was drunk, but bee knew it couldn’t be more than a few weeks old.

“ _Oh-ho-no_!” she sobbed as she collapsed to her knees.

“What? What is it?” Julian panicked.

“Help me! S’caught in the net!”

He scrambled up behind her and gasped at the sight before them.

“Oh, bee… you sweet girl…” He knelt beside her and reached for the net. “Poor kitty.”

“Agh!” bee growled in frustration as her efforts to untangle the creature seemed in vain. Tears streamed freely down her cheeks as she watched Julian tear at the knots with a knife that she didn’t know he was carrying. Little by little, the kitten squirmed free, and the doctor scooped it up into his hand. He looked at bee, and his eyebrows shot to his hairline.

“Honey bee…” He glanced down at the cat and then back to bee. She sniffled at the sight of her favorite guy with her new favorite baby. He took her hands in his free one and turned them so she was ready to receive the kitten. Gingerly, he set it in her palms, and ugly, snotty sobs ripped from her throat.

“Juli—an… I’m ssssoooo—sssssorry!” she cried between gasps, holding the kitten to her chest and wiping her nose on her sleeve. “You shouldn’t see me like this!”

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay.” He pulled her into his arms and rocked her back and forth, nuzzling his nose into her hair. His body was warm and reassuring around her, and she never wanted him to let her go.

“You saved it,” she whispered. “You’re my hero, Juli…”

“Hush, honey…” His thumb wiped a tear away from her cheek.

“I just really love cats…”

Julian smiled at her and tucked her wild, pink waves behind her ears.

“You’re so cute.”

“Shut up,” she laughed breathily. “M’not.”

Strong arms pulled her to her feet, and one snaked around her shoulder to lead her home. The streets were quiet—as far as bee could really notice—and her lovely companion and her kitten kept her warm in the cool night air.

When they got to the front door, bee shook her head and showed Julian around back. She told him that the key was inside the lamp next to the door, and with a little fumbling, they were safe inside the storage room of the shop. Julian helped bee up the steps and she managed to get them to the bedroom. The lamp she’d left on bathed the room in a soft yellow glow. bee bounced on the edge of the mattress, kitten still clutched to her chest with sweaty palms.

“I can sleep on the sofa,” Julian offered.

“No!” bee exclaimed, perhaps a bit too suddenly. Julian’s eyes widened. “I… mean… Asra ‘n I share, so m’used to sleepin’ with someone.” She tugged on his sleeve with her free hand. “Please sleep with me?”

If she hadn’t been so shitfaced, she would’ve heard Julian’s sharp intake of breath.

Come to think of it, if she hadn’t been so shitfaced, she wouldn’t have asked him to sleep with her.

“Honey bee…”

“Never mind. Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” She held the cat close to her chest as she rose and headed toward the closet. “Lemme just get you a blanket.”

“I’ll sleep in here. I mean, if that’s what you want.”

She turned to face him with eyes wide like a child in a candy store.

“You will?”

Julian smiled and stepped forward into the bedroom.

“If that’s what you want,” he repeated.

“Please?” she pleaded. The tall doctor shut the door behind him and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head.

“Might as well keep an eye on you and the little nugget you got here.”

“Little nugget!” she squealed. “You’re cute, Juli.”

He motioned for her to sit on the bed and scoot back to the headboard. “Then, we make a great pair, my dear.” Julian smiled and turned away to the closet. “Are your clothes in here?”

“...Yeah. But, Juli…”

“Hm?”

“I wanna… Can I…?” She set the kitten beside her and stood, stumbling over to the closet again. Waves clouded her vision, and the room spun. Her brain melted inside her head and she tripped over her own foot, but Julian caught her before she could hit the ground.

“God, you’re hammered,” he mused with a laugh. bee’s hands crawled up Julian’s chest and settled on his cheeks. Her bleary gaze met his, and he smiled down at her as much as he could with her hands squishing his face. “Why don’t you sit back on the bed while I get you some clothes?”

“Wanna… wear your shirt.”

“You w… You wanna wear _my shirt_?”

She nodded and pushed past him to the corner of the walk-in closet, then dug through her drawers until she found the beloved pirate shirt he’d given her that first night. Without any forethought, she tugged her green harem pants down and then stripped out of her top, letting her garments pool around her feet on the floor. She was fully nude before her guest, but she didn’t even realize. The wrinkled cotton was cool in her hands, and it soothed her skin as she threw it on over herself. The fabric fell to her mid-thigh, and she sighed happily before turning back to Julian.

Her grin was somehow sloppier than she was. She looked up at her handsome escort and held her arms out as if to say _what d’you think?_ The doctor just stared with wide eyes as bee took his hand and led him back into the room.

“I like sleeping in it. S’comfy,” she told him as she snuggled up under the blanket.

Before she could do anything else, she curled up onto her side and let her eyes flutter shut. She only barely registered Julian pulling back the covers on Asra’s side of the bed, placing the kitten on bee’s pillow, and turning out the light on the side table. But before she could pass out completely—and before the room could settle around her—she felt his arms snake over her side and pull her to him, chest to chest.

“Mmm…” she hummed.

“Goodnight, honey bee.”

 

_Honey bee._

 

_Hooooney beeeeeeee…_

 

_Honey… bee…_

 

“Honey bee…”

A sharp inhale and soft groan from her own throat pulled bee from her dreams. Her eyelids fluttered open to see Julian leaning over her, his fingers caressing the soft skin of her cheek. His shirt hung haphazardly from his shoulders; his pale chest invited her to kiss his skin. The sun haloed his errant curls, and he looked the most well rested he’d looked in weeks.

“Good morning, my dear.”

She smiled sleepily at him and pushed herself up on her elbows to help her sit, but a weight on her chest stopped her from going any further than a few inches. bee looked down to see the grey kitten curled up on her chest.

“Oh, no-ho-ho…” she whimpered and reached for the little ball of fur. “I thought I dreamt this!” Joyful tears pricked her eyes, but she didn’t let them fall.

“Please, don’t cry,” Julian urged.

“I won’t… It’s just so fucking cute! It’s a baby!”

“You found her under a crate in the alley behind the Raven.

“Oh, my god, poor thing!”

“She’s been sleeping on your chest all morning. It’s honestly the cutest damned thing I’ve ever seen.”

bee blushed and scratched the side of the kitten’s head.

“I love her…”

“Me too,” Julian agreed. She looked up to him in wonder, and her heart swelled at the look of adoration in his sparkling eyes. He didn’t know it, but this was _their_ cat, now. “Have a name for her?”

She didn’t even have to think.

“Sardine.”

“ _Sardine_?”

“Sardine.”

“Why Sardine?”

She smiled to herself.

“Back home, there’s a musical that I love _so much_. One of the characters has a song where he talks about how silly he is and that he’s never going to leave the girl he likes. One of his lyrics is _My only friend was a stray kitty called Sardine—I thought it was hilarious to call a cat a kind of fish._ Ever since I heard it, I wanted to adopt a little grey cat and call it Sardine. It’s so clever.”

The grin that spread across his face could light the whole city.

“Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more adorable.”

“Oh, my god, Julian… you’re making me blush…”

“Good.” He reached forward and scratched behind Sardine’s ear. “You deserve to blush.”

“Julian…”

“Why don’t we go get some breakfast?”

She looked down at the sleepy kitten on top of her.

“Are you joking? I can’t move! I’m going to die here.”

He tossed his head back and laughed his beautiful laugh.

“Alright.  _I’ll_ go get us some breakfast. Pumpkin or banana bread?”

“...both? And peaches? And some milk and roasted chicken for Sardine?”

The doctor smiled and nodded, promising to be back as quick as he could. As soon as he walked out to the living room, bee heard a few heavy thuds and a groan of frustration.

“ _Why_ does he have so many rugs?!”

bee giggled to herself and snuggled back into the pillows, one finger stroking her new baby’s side.

It was then that she noticed the sleeve of the shirt she wore.

_Julian’s shirt._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here.](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee)
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


	11. No Use Crying Over Spilled Sun Tea

“So, what do you do all day?”

“Watch people. Write about them.” bee ripped a piece of pumpkin bread off the loaf and stuffed it in her mouth. Her lips twisted into a silly side grimace when she realized what she said. “Not like _that_...”

Julian laughed as he scratched at Sardine’s head, and the grey kitten chewed at his hair from her perch on his shoulder.

“I know what you meant.”

“Um… Sardine’s eating your hair…”

“What?” He turned to look at her. “I just fed you, silly kitty!”

bee smiled at the display before her. After Julian got back from the market, she showed him out to the balcony where they could enjoy their breakfast with some sunshine. She brought out a blanket so they could sit together on the ground instead of sitting in the swinging chairs on opposite sides. Secretly, she just wanted to be close to him.

Julian insisted on holding Sardine, using the excuse that bee deserved a minute to herself—as if Sardine was hard to handle. He _obviously_ just wanted to hold her.

“She’s just giving you a haircut,” she joked through a laugh.

“Oh, well in that case…” He reached up to his shoulder with his other hand and plucked Sardine off of him. His giant hands practically swallowed her tiny body whole as he held her in front of his face and narrowed his eyes in a teasingly serious manner. “My hair is just the way I like it, you little rascal. You little miscreant. You little scoundrel!”

bee’s smile seemed permanent now, so she stood and excused herself to the kitchen so Julian wouldn’t see. Even though they’d shared quite a few sweet moments together, she couldn’t get out of her own head about him. _I’m a child,_ she thought. _He doesn’t like me like that._ Surely, she’d look like a fool to him if he saw her smiling like a love-struck school girl.

But as she crossed the threshold to the apartment, Julian’s whispers fluttered in from the balcony with the wind.

“Can’t have you messing up my chances of wooing your mommy, huh? Don’t you want a cool dad like me?”

bee choked on a giggle, and a deep blush spread over her cheeks.

“What are you doing?” Julian called from outside.

“Uh, just…” she looked around the kitchen for something to bring out as an excuse. “Preparing some sun tea!”

“Sun tea?”

She rummaged through the cabinet for some peach tea bags and a glass jar, then filled it with water and joined the doctor and kitten back outside.

“Sun tea.” bee held up the jar after sitting on the blanket again. “You put tea bags inside and let it sit in the sun for a few hours. This one’s pretty small, so it should only take one or two.”

“That works?”

“Yeah! We used to make it all the time in the summer. It’s basically a way to brew tea without making the kitchen hot.”

“Huh.” He took the jar from her and set it on the little table behind him. 

“You learn something new every day,” she told him.

“ _You teach_ me something new every day,” he joked back. Julian set Sardine down on the blanket and then lay on his side. He propped himself up on his right elbow—a position he seemed quite comfortable in—and looked up at bee. “You’re so brilliant, honey.”

bee blushed again and smiled, focusing a little too hard on the kitten chewing on the fringe of the blanket.

“You’re the one who’s literally a doctor.”

“Well…”

“...Well?”

“I’m not… technically… licensed…”

“WHAT!” she exclaimed with an amused grin. “I’ve been calling you Doctor Devorak this whole time when you’re really just _Mr._ Devorak?”

Julian’s bellowing chuckle could’ve cured every disease known to man—no wonder he was allowed to practice medicine. It was light and airy, yet strong like him, and bee fucking loved it.

“That’s Mr. _Devorak_ to you.”

“I’ve been saying yoUR NAME WRONG?” bee cried as she smacked the ground in disbelief. “You didn’t tell me!”

“It’s just so cute the way you say it!”

“It’s the way Astacos said it!”

“I can’t go around giving out my _real_ name to everyone here. What if I get framed for murder? How will I hide?” The pair giggled with each other at how utterly ridiculous he was. “Please, keep calling me _Doctor_ Devorak. It’s quite the ego boost to have an academic such as yourself recognize my knowledgeable prowess.” He preened his shoulders in a little dance like a haughty bird.

“Oh, come on.” Was this man just a professional blush-maker? “All I do is sit around and document culture.”

“Hey.” He leaned over and tilted her head toward him. “You _stop_ doubting yourself.” His voice was strong and commanding, and bee suddenly regretted talking down about herself.

“Okay…” she breathed, finally looking up into his eyes.

“You’re smart. Brilliant. Outstanding.” His head nodded with each word for emphasis. “You don’t need me to tell you that. You _know_ that.” She could only agree.

“Thank you, Julian…” she whispered, staring into his soft-yet-intense gaze.

“Trust me when I say that I’m intimidated by your intelligence. In a good way.” He winked at her and sat up again. “Why don’t you take credit for yourself?”

bee shrugged.

“Probably because I wasn’t really praised for being smart as a kid. It was always just kind of expected.”

“Well, consider me your personal cheering section.”

“Oh, I’d _love_ to see you in a cheerleader’s mini skirt.”

A surprised laugh bubbled up Julian’s throat.

“A _what_?”

“A cheerleader? It’s a person who cheers for sports teams. They’re usually women in crop tops and mini skirts with big pom poms that they throw around.”

“Well, I’d _love_ to wear a mini skirt just for you, my dear. Especially if it means you continue to teach me new things.”

“You don’t have to dress up for me to learn new things, Juli.”

“Y’know, I love it when you call me that,” he purred with a smile. He flopped back onto the ground and lay his head in bee’s lap.

“Juli?”

“Mhm. It’s so cute.”

“I love it when you call me honey bee.”

“Good.” He reached up for her chin and caressed it with his thumb.

The pair stayed there for ages, just smiling at each other and letting themselves be touched. bee would never consciously admit it, but Julian’s soft, cool touch made her chest clench with admiration and desire. She’d always thought of herself as a lone wolf of sorts—unworthy of the love she wrote about in short stories as a teen. But here, with Julian, she felt truly seen. He appreciated her for what she was. He saw her as his equal, which he’d made _very_ apparent just now with his little pep talk.

“How long are you staying today?” bee finally asked, gazing into his soft, silver eyes as she stroked through his red curls.

“How long will you have me?” he asked back. The woman smiled.

“As long as you like, Doctor. At least until the sun tea is brewed.”

“Oh, but of course.”

Julian’s eyes searched around the balcony’s ivy canopy, probably noting all the flowers blooming along with the vines. bee just watched his sharp, pale face in the slivers of sunlight.

“Fuck!” he shouted, sitting bolt upright again and almost knocking his head into bee’s nose.

“What?!” she cried, following his eye line to the corner of the balcony post. Faust’s periwinkle head poked out from between the ivy vines.

“A snake!” Julian practically screeched as he scrambled back to the opposite corner.

 _Peekaboo!_ she announced cheerfully.

bee laughed and stood to her feet, reaching up for the little snake. Faust slithered out of her hiding spot and around bee’s arm.

“What are you do—”

“Relaaaax. She’s harmless.” She sat back down next to him and held the snake up before her. “Her name’s Faust. She’s Asra’s.”

Julian sat stock still as bee let Faust curl to look at Julian.

_Want to squeeze!_

“She wants to give you a hug,” she translated.

“Oh, I… I don’t think… Uh… I don’t like snakes.”

bee held Faust up and looked into her little red eyes.

“Maybe next time, hm?”

The snake bobbed her head, and bee set her down on the ground. Out of nowhere, Sardine pounced on Faust’s tail.

 _No tail!_  

She flicked it around, but Sardine only swatted at it more. The snake bolted into the apartment and climbed up the dining table, peering over the side at her assailant, who couldn’t seem to figure out how to jump up onto the chair.

“That’s the fastest I’ve ever seen Faust move.”

Julian just eyed the two animals as they reached an impasse.

“Better Sardine than me,” he joked.

The pair spent the rest of the afternoon basking in the warmth of the day. Once the sun tea was dark enough, bee stirred in some honey, making certain to only add as much as completely necessary; Julian still didn’t share her sweet tooth. Once she brought some mugs out to the balcony, Julian stood before a now-shattered jar and puddle of tea, smiling an embarrassed-yet-mischievous smile as he spun a fanciful tale of bandits climbing up the side of the shop and challenging him to fisticuffs. He won, of course, but they got away before he could catch them. bee just laughed and rolled her eyes, telling him that the bandits better come back to clean up the shards of glass by the time she put the mugs in the cupboard again. After the jar and tea were cleaned, they stayed on the balcony and discussed anything from their favorite foods to existentialism to art and music. bee had to admit that it was so refreshing to find someone who knew as much useless trivia as she did.

Once dusk hit, bee escorted Julian back to the market so they could share a warm meal for dinner. They sat at the edge of the aqueduct with their feet in the water, as there were no vampire eels in this part of the city to latch onto them. bee leaned on his shoulder as she ate her Moussaka, and she didn’t miss the way Julian brushed his leg against hers on “ _accident_.” He also stole plenty of her meal, but it was definitely just an excuse to lean into her space more.

They stayed there until the vendors closed for the day. Pruney, bare feet padded to the shop as street lanterns were lit, and bee gave Julian the opportunity to leave, since her drunk-self basically begged him to stay with her last night. She didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable with how much she wanted his company—didn’t want to seem clingy. But Julian just smiled and pushed the door open, ushering her inside and up the stairs again.

bee fed Faust and Sardine while Julian made the bed for them. She dressed in _the shirt_ again with booty shorts underneath—they weren’t close enough for her to only wear panties…

Or were they? He changed her clothes the night they met because she was a sloppy drunk. She _pissed_ herself in front of him, and he didn’t even care. _I mean… he is a doctor… he probably sees gross shit all the time,_ she thought. Still, she kept the shorts on for her own comfort and snuggled into bed next to Julian, careful not to get too close. She lay on her side facing away from him, not wanting the awkwardness that would come from watching each other as they fell asleep. _Why is sharing a bed so weird… It’s fine with Asra,_ she mused to herself.

“bee?” Julian whispered. She hesitated, wondering if she should just ignore him and pretend to be asleep. She hated confrontation, especially when she couldn’t just leave the situation. Whatever Julian was about to say would either be sappy or upsetting, and she didn’t handle either well. She wasn’t big on being outwardly emotional. “Are you awake…?” he whispered again. She decided that she was being ridiculous and rolled back onto her shoulder to look at him.

“Hm?”

“I just wanted… I… I don’t get a lot of interaction with people who aren’t… well… corpses. So. I guess, thanks.”

A smile crept over her cheeks, and she wondered how she could’ve even considered ignoring him.

“I _guess_ you’re welcome,” she teased back. Julian chuckled and visibly relaxed back into the bed. “You don’t have to thank me. I had a really good time today.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. I don’t usually do much besides sit around anyway. It was nice to have company.” She reached up and tucked Julian’s curls behind his ear, and she didn’t miss how he leaned into her touch. “Goodnight, Juli.”

“Goodnight, honey bee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here.](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee)
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


	12. Hard To Be Mad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was way harder to write for me, and it's full of real, raw emotional turmoil and trauma. I knew it was going to end up being in here (since bee is a self-insert), but I didn't think it would be so hard to convey. 
> 
> This is a long winded way of saying "I don't know if this is going to make any sense because it still doesn't make sense to me."

bee clutched the crumpled note in her left hand as she leaned on the hedge-covered railing of the balcony and gazed off into the sunset. She halfheartedly held a half-empty wine glass in the other, and if she wasn’t asthmatic, she would have a cigarette between her fingers too. She couldn’t bear to look at the note, not again. Sure, maybe she looked a little dramatic, like the portrait of a scorned woman in a black and white drama film, but she _deserved_ to be a little dramatic. Days had gone by, then a week, then _two_ weeks to the hour, and Asra still hadn’t come back. 

Neither had Julian.

On the morning of Julian’s departure, bee had just lain on the sofa with her journal, making notes about more recent observations now that she knew about the plague. If she was one to hum when giddy, she would’ve hummed every love song she knew as she wrote, “ _It makes sense now why people stay indoors. They don’t want to risk the plague spreading. They only go out for necessities because there’s such a high risk of outbreak. The few people who do go out think themselves immune or are just reckless or uncaring.”_

 _This explains so much,_ she thought.

What it didn’t explain, though, is how Julian Devorak, a palace plague doctor, had been spending so much time with her. If there was an outbreak, surely the Count and Countess would keep the doctors at the palace 24/7. Of course, they would need breaks—everyone did as to not risk burnout and increased human error—but surely they wouldn’t be two days in a row! It didn’t make sense. And as bee thought about it more, she realized that it didn’t make sense because this wasn’t like all the other times she’d formed a crush on someone. Every other time, they’d led her on without making a move. Every other time, they would flirt and flirt and flirt, and then she would pluck up the courage to say something… and they would bail. Every other time, _she_ would move mountains just to spend time with someone.

But Julian? Julian had clearly wanted to be around her. He spent time with her on his breaks from the palace. He took care of her when she got too drunk. He called her cute pet names. There was no way this _wasn’t_ something new. He did so much more than what a good friend would.

But then again… Maybe he was just super flirty. 

Maybe he didn’t even realize what he was doing.

Maybe he _was_ leading her on like everyone else.

As she stood on the balcony, humid air clinging to her skin, tears trailing down her cheeks, she sighed. She sighed to the heavens for cursing her… Cursing her to a family who didn’t want her enough; cursing her to seem cold and distant when she was nothing but warm and present; cursing her to open herself up to the wrong people; cursing her to be… unlovable.

Wine splashed to the cobblestones below as bee poured out the rest of her glass, mouth already sour enough with regret. Why did this always happen to her? She _knew_ how it always went. She _knew_ every time felt like something different. She _knew_ it never would be. Yet she let herself get her hopes up again.

She set the glass on the little table and fell into her hanging chair, legs dangling out as she slumped back into the cushion. Her thumb flicked the edge of the note, and she almost dared herself to toss it away, but she didn’t dare part with the last thing he left her.

 

_bee,_

_I’m sorry to leave you to an empty bed, but I couldn’t bear to wake you. I fed Sardine… I don’t know what Faust eats. I’ll be back sometime to try your sun tea for real. Bastard bandits..._

_—Juli_

_P.S. You look much better in these than I._

 

Her fingers traced over his scrawled signature as tears welled in her umber eyes. This whole situation had become blasé, but she still couldn’t fight her sorrow. She didn’t want to be mad at him. Well, she _did_ want to be mad at him, but it was hard. She still liked him _a lot_. And if she was mad at him, it meant admitting her feelings to herself, which was just as scary for her as it was to admit them _to him_. Besides, she would look crazy; he was just a regular guy she’d idealized. They weren’t dating. He wasn’t her boyfriend. He was just a guy. She would seem like a clingy, crazy girl. _God,_ to be clingy… It made her cringe.

Yes, clinginess was never a good look to her, yet here she was in the shirt he left her the morning he disappeared. She wanted _so badly_ for Julian to come running through the door with banana bread and wine and announce that he was _so sorry, honey bee, but I’ve been busy curing the plague, and I’ve done it! Now I get to spend all of my time with you! Let’s celebrate!_  

But she knew better.

Scales brushed against her foot, and bee tore her gaze from the pink and red hues of the sky to look down at Faust.

 _Sad?_ she seemed to whisper.

“Yeah. But I’ll be okay.” She stretched her leg out straight so Faust could slither up to her lap. She coiled around herself but danced her head up to bee’s, and her little tongue poked out to tickle away the tears. bee giggled and let a soft smile crack her hard façade.

_Why sad?_

“It’s dumb. Crying over a boy. I don’t really wanna talk about it.”

The snake bumped her head against bee’s cheek and then curled in on herself again. bee’s fingers stroked over her back as she used her right toes to turn the chair back and forth, a reassuring movement that made her feel even a fraction better.

As they swayed in the wind, bee wondered if she would ever not feel deeply lonely. The physical reaction always made it worse. She’d described it in the past as an emptiness, but really, nobody knows what the fuck that means, so she switched to saying it felt like an elephant had sat on her chest and sometimes stood up when friends came by, but would sit back down again and stay there for weeks at a time. Sometimes the elephant would rock back and forth and crush her into a pulp beneath it, leaving her a flattened, miserable, blueprint of a woman. Despite the similes and metaphors, it _literally_ hurt to be lonely. 

Being rejected her whole life never made fresh rejection any easier, not that she wasn’t _allowed_ to be rejected because of it. She knew she wasn’t entitled to anyone who didn’t want her, but surely her _parents_ should’ve _tried_ to make it seem like they wanted her. 

She never told this to anyone—she didn’t want anyone’s pity or that awkward brand of _I’m so sorry_ that was trying to be sincere but was really just repackaged pity—but her parents divorced when she was two years old, and they never put aside their hatred for her sake. bee was three when her mom started talking shit about her father—who she stayed with every other weekend according to the custody agreement. By the time she was seven, both parents had let snide comments about the other slip out around bee. It was apparent that they didn’t realize that these remarks were slowly shaping her happy-little-girl brain into one of a cynical, 30-year-old spinster woman, and by the time she turned nine, it was too late; she was already romanticizing unattainable Disney princes and superheroes. Anyone who was strong and smart and sweet. Anyone who could take her away from her sad, broken life. But no one ever came. 

It’s not that she was just impatient; she had always been patient. Who wouldn’t be if they’d have to spend years waiting? It was just that she had to endure the hardest pain she’d ever experience over and over again all by herself. She thought she’d find peace in being lonely—after all, her mother prided herself on having such a quiet, easily self-entertained child, so it must’ve been a good thing—but she never did. In fact, she twisted it in her mind, promising to herself that she didn’t _need_ anyone else. She could do anything and everything on her own.

So, why was it that every time someone got close enough for her to feel their warmth, she would lean into them? Not even consciously. Her soul would lean in, desperate for someone to take care of her, even just something small. She had spent her whole life perfecting the art of self-reliance, yet sometimes she wanted someone to just tell her what to do—to guide her in some way—even if she was already going to do the opposite. bee hated letting go of her control, but she also hated having _too much_ control. So when her chest would warm—just warm enough to start thawing the icy walls she’d put up—she would decide that _yes_ , she _was_ ready to let someone in. She was ready to share her responsibility. She was ready to share herself.

And then they’d abandon her.

It seemed she was just destined to die alone.

The sky was dark now, brilliant constellations shining down on Vesuvia, mocking her. Fat tears rolled down her cheeks again, and she inhaled shakily, trying not to disturb a now-sleeping Faust. She gazed up, wet eyes sparkling in the moonlight.

“I defy you, stars,” she whispered, almost inaudible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here.](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee)
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


	13. Don't Feel Like Crying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason when I transfer my chapters from google docs to AO3, the punctuation next to italicized words gets spaced weird, so sorry about that! I try to fix it before I post, but sometime they slip by me. 
> 
> Anyway, here's another sad one >:)

bee sighed—something she’d been doing more and more lately—as she set out Sardine’s breakfast. She’d been getting up later every day, waking up now around one in the afternoon consistently, but not getting out of bed until two or three when Sardine would inevitably chirp at her for food. Each day, she would sit around the apartment, not even doing anything; she’d stare into space on the sofa, at the kitchen table, and in her chair on the balcony. She barely ate. She hadn’t touched her journal in a week and a half. It had gotten so bad that bee couldn’t even remember the last time she bathed. It was just too much effort. The sheets reeked of her sweat and tears. The pirate shirt had coffee stains and grease marks all over it. She hadn’t left the shop for anything since she’d been abandoned.

The good news? bee hadn’t had a drink since her night out with Julian. _At least I’m not an alcoholic_ , she muttered to herself in relief. She’d been worried about that since college… There was no way she was going to let herself turn into an addict—not after finding out her parents met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting; it was really no wonder her whole life was so fucked up.

But was this really any better? Wallowing in her own filth after being rejected? Finding comfort in allowing herself to get unbelievably disgusting because at least she would feel _something?_

Fuck.

She shed her shirt and panties as she marched to the bathroom, filling the tub with steaming water and lavender oil. It was time to turn her month around, starting by cleaning herself up. Then, she’d take her soiled sheets and clothing to the laundromat and scrub until she had fresh linens. After that, she’d stop by the market to pick up some groceries. It was the perfect plan to get her out of her funk.

But as she lowered herself into the soothing water, her eyes flooded with fresh tears. She hadn’t let herself feel anything but numb for the past few days, and the warmth of the bath cracked her emotional dam again.

“Fuuuuuuuuuck.”

She sank until her whole body was submerged, desperate to drown out the tears. Bubbles fluttered to the surface. bee was determined to sit at the bottom of the clawfoot tub until she felt better. She was so over feeling bad. She moved to Vesuvia to explore and maybe make a home for herself, not let a boy fuck around with her feelings. This is why she’d never gone out with anyone in college. She had one boyfriend her entire life, and that only lasted two months because she realized she didn’t actually like him, just the idea of having a boyfriend, and that wasn’t fair to him. She’d always been able to rationalize her crushes away; it was easier to be alone than have to open up to someone. But still, she longed to be loved unconditionally.

Julian had been the first one she could really imagine a life with. They’d get a little cottage on the edge of the city and live happily with Sardine and Brundle. Julian could run his clinic, and bee could be an author from home. They could travel together… see the world and explore new cultures… share learning experiences… come home and write about what they saw… God, how sweet a life that would be.

If only he hadn’t been a fucking dick.

And Asra… well, she didn’t know how she felt about him. She didn’t really let herself think about it. When it came down to it, he _was_ attractive. It felt good to kiss him. His touch made her melt. But he never really told her much about himself. She didn’t _know_ him. It’s not that she was necessarily an open book herself, but he never talked about his family. He didn’t tell her about the palace. He didn’t tell her about the plague. He was too evasive for her to get to know _him_. She realized it was his charisma that reeled her in, and she just liked his attention. It was the same thing that happened with her high school boyfriend and her summer camp co-worker and her college roommate: she liked _the idea_ of him.

bee’s eyes snapped open and she inhaled bath water as two hands gripped her by the shoulders and yanked her up. She spluttered as she surfaced, lungs burning. She fought for air as water poured from her lips, panic setting in as she struggled to cough.

“Fucking… _fuck_ , bee!” Asra cried as he sat back on his haunches, soaked. She stared at him with wide eyes, his figure blurred by the water in her vision.

“What—” _gasp_ “the—” _gaspcough_ “fuck?!” _cough cough!_

“I thought… thought you…”

“Well, I’m not!” She rubbed her eyes. “I didn’t!”

“What are you doing?!”

“Bathing!” bee crossed her arms over her body and tucked her head to the side, not looking at her roommate as her chest heaved. “And thinking.”

“About what?”

“Don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Are you okay?”

“No. But I don’t wanna talk about it,” she repeated. “I’m sick of it.”

Asra nodded once, but bee didn’t see it. She turned toward him, eyes narrowed as her hand swept through the water and splashed him.

“What the hell!?”

“It’s been a whole fucking month and a half! I didn’t hear from you once!”

“I had to go. I needed to be by myself. I told you that.”

“You definitely didn’t say it would be six weeks! You could’ve written a letter or _something_.”

They sat in electric silence as water sloshed in the tub. He hung his head like a shamed puppy, and bee’s stomach clenched with guilt. She didn’t want to fight him, but it wasn’t fair to her. He left her with almost no notice. She had to watch over the shop while he was gone with no instruction, struggling to come up with excuses for his absence. She tried to help his patrons as much as she could, but his tarot lessons only went so far. And not to mention, he fled right after she’d drunkenly kissed him. She sighed and shifted in the tub. “Don’t look.”

He did as she asked. Water dripped from her pale skin as she stepped out of the bath and wrapped herself up in her robe. Asra leaned over the tub and tugged out the stopper.

“bee… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

She halted in the doorway to the bedroom, throat choked up, but left to find something to wear in the closet. She was done talking about this. She always closed herself off in the face of confrontation… It wasn’t the best way to handle it, and she knew that, but she just couldn’t bring herself to engage. Not face to face. Besides, she’d been sad and crying enough lately. It was time to do something else.

“Don’t leave…” Asra’s meek whisper sent a shiver down bee’s spine. She shuffled through her clothes and decided on her blue, cotton sundress. “I just got back…”

“I can’t be cooped up here anymore. I’m tired of wallowing. I have to get out.”

“Please, just talk to me,” he pleaded.

“Asra, I can’t. I don’t actually know what the hell is going on with me right now, and I’ve been in this place for so long, and I can’t keep fucking sitting here and crying about you and Julian anym—” She held her tongue, although it was too late. It was out there, taking up space between them.

“bee…”

“It’s dumb,” she ceded, grabbing her bag on the way out, but Asra blocked the bedroom door.

“You’re not leaving until you tell me what’s going on.”

“I don’t _know!_ ”

“You _do_ know. You just said you’ve been crying over me and Julian.”

Her cheeks heated as her embarrassment crescendoed. She couldn’t face him, so she turned back to the closet and sighed.

“You left. And he left. And I don’t even know what to do because I’ve been rejected like this my entire life, and I really thought it was different now, but I was all alone again.” Her eyes burned with new tears with the admission. “I’m never _not_ going to be alone! I’m so stupid! This happens to me every time!”

“‘Every time’ what?”

“Every time I get close to someone.” She wiped her nose with the cloth bag. bee finally faced him. “I told you; now move.”

He stared at her for a second too long, then finally let her go. She marched down the steps and out the front door. As she flung it open, a little pouch of myrrh fell from the handle.

“Again?” she huffed, kicking it into the shop behind her as she closed the door. Relieved that she could finally breathe, bee set off. She didn’t know where she was going, but as long as it was away from the shop, she didn’t care.

She hated telling anyone how she felt. Feelings are stupid. Feelings are meant to be felt once a month in solitary confinement, or a night in the bath over sad movies, or drunk on the balcony at sunset when nothing makes sense anymore, and under absolutely no circumstances were they _ever_ to be talked about with anyone until _maybe_ after the fact. But Asra saw through her. He knew she wanted so desperately to get it out. She just couldn’t let anyone see her cry.

There was no way anyone would ever know everything about her. Even with how close she’d gotten to Asra, she couldn’t tell him all her trauma. The loneliness and rejection wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg, but somehow it had made her feel the worst she’d felt in a while, and talking about it would only open the conversation up to the rest of her sad life. She couldn’t have that.

As the sun shifted to the west, bee found herself staring at the docks. She’d only been there once before when she was first exploring the city. Docked boats rocked on the water, but there wasn’t a soul to be found. She sat at the edge of an empty pier, toes skimming the salty sea beneath. Waves rushed to the shore, and she synced her breathing with their tame wake.

The hairs on the back of her neck prickled as if she were being watched. She froze for a moment, waiting to hear footsteps on the wood, but then slowly turned around to check for anyone.

“Oh, come on…”

Asra stood at the shore end of the dock.

“Why did you follow me?” she groaned.

“You weren’t done talking.”

“I was.”

He approached her and stood beside her, not daring to invade her space.

“Just tell me.”

bee sighed.

“You’re not gonna like it.”

“I don’t care. You need to talk.” Asra folded himself gracefully next to her, legs crossed and torso facing her.

“I don’t wanna tell you… You’ll only get hurt.”

“I’m already hurting, bee.” He took her hand in his. “Because you won't trust me.”

“Not like you’ve earned my trust.” bee took her hand back and played with the ties on her dress. “Besides, it’s not like _you_ told _me_ where you were going to be all this time. Hypocrite.”

“Don’t be like that,” he pleaded.

bee bit her bottom lip, debating herself. Sure, she was pissed, but she didn’t want to mess anything up between them—more than it already seemed to be. If she told him about how she liked him, but didn’t anymore, she could lose him for good this time. So, she decided in that moment she’d leave that bit out.

“I was _so_ alone, Asra. Just me and the shop. And Faust and Sardine, but… I thought we were getting close. I really liked being around you. I felt safe.”

“And… you don’t anymore?”

“You left. You left just like everyone else. My dad, my friends. Everyone always leaves.” She kicked at the water, ripples growing and then fading into the waves. “I know you didn’t know, but… when you left… _especially_ after you told me you didn’t want me to leave… it hurt. A lot. At least I had Julian for a little bit, but he left too… 

“And Julian… He… Julian’s always been so kind and outwardly flirty, so I just figured…” bee paused, reevaluating what she wanted to say. “He always calls me cute nicknames and laughs at my jokes and buys me drinks and dinner. He takes care of me, even when he doesn’t need to. And I… and I just thought that… maybe he was doing that because he liked me. I… I liked him. Still do. But he—” A sharp inhale cut her off as her nose burned with the threat of her tears. “He left too. Everybody…” She breathed to calm herself down. There was _no way_ she was going to let herself cry again. Especially not in front of Asra. “It just hurts so bad that both of the people closest to me here disapp—“

“bee—bee, stop.” His hands reached out for her shoulders, but he shied away from touching her. His white brows furrowed in disbelief, and he took her hand again. “bee… _fuck_ , bee…” He carded his other hand through his hair. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t talk about it because it’s not who I am. I’m not a victim. I know I seem like I’m being one now, and sometimes I get a little dramatic about things, but _Jesus Christ,_ dude. There’s _so much_. How am I not, like, a shell of a person at this point? But I didn’t want to ruin our friendship by unloading it all on you. I probably already have.”

“Holy shit, bee… you can’t keep all this locked away inside yourself. You’ll go crazy.”

“I’m already crazy,” she breathed through a shaky laugh. “I don’t want to push you away.”

He shook his head with a little smile.

“That’s sweet, but don’t let me get in the way of your feelings. I don’t want you to destroy yourself.” He leaned back on his hands. “If it helps… I thought Julian liked you too.”

“I’ll be over it within a month, though,” she admitted. “I don’t know if it’s like… just the way I handle rejection or if I truly just can’t love someone like that. But I’ve gotten over every single crush I’ve ever had. I always move on. And anyway, I know you don’t like him so I shouldn’t even be thinking about him like tha—”

“I never said I didn’t like him. And if _you_ like him… then just let yourself like him.”

“But I don’t—” She stopped herself and huffed in frustration. How did she let the conversation get here? The point wasn’t that she liked Julian; the point was that he and Asra had abandoned her. “That’s not—I don’t know!”

“Oh, my god, you’re so stubborn. You sound just like him,” he teased.

bee’s cheeks flamed with her irritation at herself. 

“Asra, I don’t want to talk about this right now,” she managed through gritted teeth.

“It’s okay to have feelings for him, bee.”

“This isn’t about him!”

“What?”

“Please, just—just say you’re sorry! I just bared my fucking soul to you even after you fucked off to god-knows-where, and you still haven’t apologized!”

He stared at her, eyes wide. It was like she’d smacked him in the face. His brows furrowed again beneath his bangs, and he leaned forward again to meet her.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, bee. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Well, you did.”

“Can I make it up to you?”

“Not right now.”

“Alright, well, I’m gonna go back home and clean the place because… well… it’s gross. Take the space you need. But I’m here now.” He laid his hand on hers and squeezed her fingers. “You’re not alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here.](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee)
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


	14. In The Wake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo sorry for the long wait between chapters this round. I was having trouble trudging through all the angst and just wanted to get through the fluff already. But I'm happy to report that this chapter is finally finished!

_It’s gotten a little easier. Asra and I have our standing dinners. Our shared bed. Our little animals. How he made it so easy to continue on living, I’ll never really know. I’m just glad he’s respecting the fact that I don’t wanna talk about my feelings anymore. I’ve never been someone to disclose how I’m feeling or to confide in someone about my emotional state. I just know it wouldn’t make me feel better to have someone else burdened with my spiraling thoughts, and I’m getting over it anyway. I always get over it. It’s not logical to stay mad forever._

_I still haven’t seen Julian. It’s late summer now, and Asra’s been back for a few weeks. I guess I just got my hopes up about a relationship. Just like I always do. Either way, I’m slowly getting better at forgetting him. I’m sick of waiting for him. It’s not fair to myself._

_In all honesty, it isn’t fair to him, either. We aren’t together. I have no reason to expect him to show up for me, and it’s not fair to project my own insecurities onto him. I just feel like a complete and total idiot because I thought we were at least friends._

_Maybe I should’ve never come here._

“bee!”

“Yeah?”

She looked up from her journal to see Asra waving her toward him from the water. She smiled and waved back, pen still laced between her fingers. He shook his head with a grin and waded to the shore. His white hair was slicked back from the water, and she swore he had such a cute forehead. Saltwater dripped from his taut chest and arms and made him glisten. bee’s mouth dried at the sight of his beautiful, sun-kissed skin.

Even if they were just friends, she was still allowed to think he was hot as hell.

“Are you coming in? You’ve been writing all day!”

“Soon! I just wanna finish this entry.”

“No, now! You didn’t put on that outfit to sit here and bake.” bee glanced down at herself, noting how her stomach rolled into her blue and white striped bikini skirt. Even with the high waist, she was still nervous about showing her stomach.

“It’s a swimsuit!”

Asra rolled his eyes with a smirk. He didn’t get it when bee tried to explain that she had special clothes specifically made for swimming—he always just swam in regular shorts.

“Take a break. Come _swim_ with me in your _swimsuit!_ ” He grabbed her bicep and pulled her to her feet, then slipped off her glasses and tossed them onto the blanket. “Drop your journal, or I’ll make you drop it.”

She snorted and did as he said.

“Fine, I was done anyway,” she grumbled playfully. “Faust! Watch my stuff!”

The periwinkle snake’s head popped up from beneath the sand next to the blanket. She poked her tongue out in agreement, and bee smiled as Asra dragged her away from their spot. 

Usually, bee avoided swimming in fresh or saltwater—anything she couldn’t see the bottom of—but the waters of Vesuvia were the clearest she’d ever seen, and she trusted Asra when he told her there were no crabs to pinch her toes. His warm arm snaked around her lower back as they faced the sea. bee eyed him curiously, but he just smiled down at her and pulled her along.

The delightfully tepid water lapped at her feet as the sun shone down on her head. She tugged at her hair tie and shook her hair out of its bun, then walked farther out from the shore. She beckoned for Asra to follow her. His grin seemed mischievous, but before she could think anything of it, he kicked water at her.

“Asra!” she squealed. “What the hell!?” Her shoulders tensed as droplets tickled her back. “I’m _in!"_

“Yeah, but you’re not really wet yet!” He laughed as he ran through the shallow waves toward her and flopped onto the surface. bee curled into herself with her white-knuckled fists clenched at her chest as he splashed her. He surfaced with a grin. “ _Now_ you’re really wet.”

She swept her arm through the water and hit him with a little wave, and they continued splashing and laughing with each other like children until she was soaked.

Asra grabbed her hand as a particularly high wave surged toward them, and they dove into the water together. bee felt absolutely weightless beneath the surface as the water danced her closer to shore. It was as if nothing mattered there. The sea was vast and quiet. It didn’t have any anxieties. No love interests. No roommates. No thoughts or feelings. It just existed. In that moment, bee just existed too.

A tug at her wrist signaled that Asra surfaced, so bee pushed off the sand and broke through the water with a gasp for breath. She squinted her eyes to keep the salt water out and to dry her lashes, then opened them to see a mess of white hair covering her roommate’s eyes.

“Let me get that for you,” she offered with an airy chuckle as she brushed the soaked hair back. “Y’know, you look good with your hair like this. You should put it up more often.”

“I used to put it up in little ponytails when I was bored. Way before I knew you were coming to Vesuvia.”

She giggled at the mental image of him with a dozen unicorn horns of hair all over his head.

“How’d you know I was coming, anyway? Like, how did you know where to find me?”

“I had a dream.”

“That’s it? ‘I had a dream?’” she asked. “ _C’mon,_ seriously though.”

“I am serious!” he cried with a grin. “I had a dream that someone new was coming and that they needed a guide.”

“Are you _really_ magic?”

“I feel like I’ve been pretty obvious about that.”

“Well, I mean. I know you do tarot and potions and stuff. But like… can you… I dunno, make a ball of fire or something?”

Asra’s head fell back in laughter, and bee’s chest warmed at the sound.

“I _could_ if we weren’t in the _ocean_.”

“Well, _duh_ ,” bee agreed with a roll of her eyes.

“I can show you when we get home. But for now…” He wrapped his arms around her waist and spun them around, splashing frivolously as they went. bee’s arms and legs circled his neck and waist as they slowed to a stop. The warmth of the water and his body felt like home. It was so easy to be around him.

“I’m sorry about leaving,” Asra whispered. bee dried her eyes and looked up at him. His brow was raised in apprehension, as if he knew he shouldn’t say anything. “I really mean it. It had nothing to do with you.”

“It’s okay, Asra.” She tightened her embrace around him. “I’m never really mad for more than a few days. And those few days happened waaaay long ago.”

Asra laughed and hugged her back, then bee pulled away to look at him again. His amethyst eyes sparkled in the light reflecting off the water. His smiling cheeks were washed in the golden hues of the setting sun. He truly was beautiful, and bee was so grateful that she’d gotten the chance to meet him.

Before she realized, Asra had leaned in and pressed his salty lips to hers. Her eyes blew wide at the unsolicited advance, and she was practically paralyzed in his arms. What was he doing? Was she just oblivious to how they were acting? Did he think she was being flirty? 

He must’ve noticed her blatant lack of reciprocity and pulled away with his brows furrowed in concern.

“You okay?”

“Asra… I…” 

How could she say this without hurting him? She’d probably hurt him no matter how delicately she put it… but she had to, if only for closure for the both of them.

“That night when I let you in the back door, you kissed me. And then I kissed you that night I came home from the Raven. But I was _so drunk_ , Asra…” She couldn’t look at him, but she knew he was hurting. They swayed in time with the calm waves. “I… I like spending time with you and learning about tarot and magic. I like that we have meals together almost every night. I like that you tell me not to make myself smaller for you. 

“For a little bit, I _liked_ you. But once you left, I realized I only liked the attention you gave me. It happened to me before—with my college roommate. I thought I _liked_ her, but once we left for summer break, I realized it was just our closeness that made me think so.” Her blood ran cold as his grip on her loosened, and her skin itched with guilt beneath his hesitant touch. “I’m sorry if I led you on. I love you, _so dearly._ But not like that.”

They stood there in crushing silence. Tears spilled down bee’s cheeks, yet she didn’t know why. Perhaps the guilt of hurting her friend over something neither of them could help. It wasn’t her fault that she didn’t like him. It wasn’t Asra’s fault, either. That’s what made it so difficult. Blameless conflict was—and always will be—the worst. There’s no one to be mad at even though it’s so easy to want to be mad. 

She didn’t look up as he let go of her and trudged back toward the shore. He deserved to be upset with her, and she wanted to give him time alone. It’s what she would want for herself. 

She let the water push her toward the shore as she lamented to herself, eventually dropping her on the sand that the water just barely skimmed. Waves licked her toes as the tide shifted higher. The setting sun over the horizon did nothing to warm her damp soul. bee sat there until the waves crashing before her reached her navel. Then she stood, ready to slink home while sorrowfully dripping salt water from the skirt of her swimsuit as if a dog hanging her tail between her legs to be publicly shamed by her neighbors.

But when she turned around, she saw Asra standing there, towel ready for her.

“I thought you left,” she whispered as she reached their blanket.

“I wanted some space, but I didn’t want to leave you again.”

A grateful sob burst from bee’s lips as her housemate wrapped the towel around her back and slid her glasses over her ears.

“Thank you…” _for staying... for understanding..._

“It’s what friends do,” he reassured her. “Besides, I’m not gonna leave you here after a fun day. It was good. You’re a little pink though,” he teased and booped her nose.

“I really needed this today. It was good to be distracted for a while.”

He took her hand in his and led her back to their place. They played rock-paper-scissors to see who would take a bath first, and after two matches out of three—and then one more out of five because bee was a sore loser—Asra came out as champion.

While waiting for her turn, bee sat on the balcony with Sardine in her lap, still wrapped up in her damp towel. She scratched beneath the kitten’s chin, admiring how big she was getting by the day. For the first time in months, bee felt like she was almost at peace with her place in Vesuvia. The tension between her and Asra was almost gone, especially after her confession at the beach. Even if he wasn’t super forthright with her about how he was dealing with it, she figured he’d want to get back to normal as quickly as possible.

“Hey,” he called from the living area. He poked his wet head through the door and smiled at her and Sardine. “Bath’s all yours.”

“Fiiiiinally,” she grumbled playfully. “Took you long enough.”

As she stood from her hanging chair and stepped into the apartment, a knock from the shop’s front door echoed up the stairs.

“I’ll get it,” Asra told her. “Go get clean, stinky.”

bee scrunched her nose at him and laughed, handing him her kitten.

“Make sure she doesn’t get out. She’ll try it if you’re not holding her.”

He chuckled and held Sardine close to his chest as he descended the spiral staircase to the shop. bee practically skipped to the bathroom and drew herself a nice, soothing bath with lavender oils—perfect for relaxing before bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here.](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee)
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


	15. Marketside Proposition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY some sweet, sweet Jubilee content. I've been waiting to drop this chapter for a while. Enjoy!

On Saturday evening—a few days after their beach day—Asra sent bee out to get a few supplies, but oddly they weren’t ones he usually got for the shop or for the apartment. She lugged her bag through the crowded market, full with loads of dried fruit, blankets, two water canteens, and enough veggies to feed an army. The setting sun shone down on her, and she could feel herself sweat in her grey university crewneck and black sweatpants. She didn’t normally wear her old clothes around Vesuvia, but a quick trip to the market didn’t really warrant changing out of what she slept in after laying around all day.

“Shhhit!” she hissed, ducking beneath the awning of the fruit vendor, just a few spots down from where a flurry of auburn curls bounced with each of the doctor’s steps. Julian stopped beside the leech stall in his palace uniform: grey trousers with embroidery on the thighs tucked into his classic thigh-high boots, a black belt with rope ties, a matching grey jacket with silver buttons and red silk lining around his long neck. He wore black, shiny leather gloves up to his elbows, and bee couldn’t help but melt a little at the thought of his long, gloved fingers caressing her cheek as she wrapped herself around him.

 _God,_ he was making it so hard to ignore him.

bee pulled her scarf up over her head and tried to make herself look busy with some peaches, but even under the sheer green fabric and shaded awning, she was like a pink lighthouse beacon.

“Honey bee!”

 _Shit, shit, fuck._ She clutched her cloth bag and turned slowly toward his direction, watching as he strode across the aqueduct boards in seconds.

“Heeeeyyy, Julian...”

“Are you feeling better?”

bee blinked. _Feeling better?_ About _him?_ About him _abandoning_ her? What kind of nerve did this guy hav—

“I tried to stop by the other night, but I, uh…” He tugged at his ear awkwardly. “I was informed that you were a tad under the weather. I hope you’re alright now?” He was unsure of himself, eyebrow quirked in shy worry.

“I’m fine…” She narrowed her eyes at the ground, trying to work through the turmoil in her brain. “You stopped by?”

“Uh, yeah… the other night. Wednesday, I think?” A soft pink blush kissed his cheeks. “Asra said you weren’t feeling well. I would’ve come upstairs to check on you, but he seemed to be against a house call. Perhaps it _was_ a bit late...”

bee’s brows furrowed. She and Asra went to the beach on Wednesday… And then she wrote out on the balcony practically all day Thursday… Why would he tell Julian she was sick?

“I’m fine.”

“Oh, well, that’s—that’s grea—“

bee spun on her heel and bee-lined for the opposite end of the market. She wanted to confront Julian for leaving, but she didn’t want to scream at him for the whole of Vesuvia to hear. He had a reputation to uphold, and bee certainly understood the importance of his position as a doctor. Hopefully his curiosity would get the better of him, and he’d follow her to an alley to have their privacy. 

Before she could get past the carpet vendor, her ankle twisted in her sandal, but luckily, she caught herself before she could fall. _No way he’s catching me and being a hero when I’m upset._

“bee!” Julian called after her, but she didn’t look back. She was too focused on getting through the crowd, and after a few more seconds of struggling with the busy market, she snaked around a family looking at pottery and finally turned up a stone staircase.

“Ha-honey bee!” he chuckled between heaving breaths as he caught up to her. He pressed his huge palm against the stone wall above bee’s head. Even being on a step below, he towered above her. She dragged her eyes up his body as he leaned down into her space and pulled a stupidly suave grin across his cheeks. “Playing hard to get, are we?”

A laugh of pure disbelief passed through her lips.

“Are you joking? _Me?_ ” she spat. “Where the _hell_ do you get off on leaving me alone for _months?_ ” She pushed his chest, but the solid bastard wouldn’t move. “You  _left_ me when I was _alone!_ Like, really _fucking_ alone!”

“bee… I…” His free hand reached for her cheek, but she smacked it away and ducked under him. Julian spun around, grey eyes wide. bee stood with her feet shoulder-width apart and fists clenched at her sides.

“I fucking _waited_ for you! And you didn’t stop by or send a message or anything! Just left me with a stupid note about your shirt, which, by the way, you are _never_ getting back,” she seethed. “I thought we were friends!”

“Friends?” he breathed with disbelief, but bee confused it for distaste. Her eyes burned with tears—god, would she ever catch a break?

“Guess I was wrong.” Her voice wavered, and she turned away to slink back to the shop, but leather-clad fingers gripped her wrist and pulled her back. She toppled into his chest, causing the doctor to fall back against the wall, and gazed up at him through her lashes like a doe caught in the cross hairs.

“I was waiting for you to say it. I couldn’t risk being too… er… _forward_ with you.”

“Forward…?”

“bee… My little honey bee…” Julian caressed her cheek with his thumbs. She shuddered blissfully at the slick leather on her skin. How did he make her melt like chocolate fondue with such simple touches and pet names? _So much for getting over him in a month or so…_ “I’m sorry for leaving you. Truly. From the bottom of my… ridiculously suave heart.”

A surprise chuckle bubbled up bee’s throat at his headass antics.

“I’m not done being mad at you,” she tried to cover, but a soft smile split her lips.

“I’m highly suspicious of your definition of _being mad_ , my dear.” Julian’s left hand trailed down her arm and pulled her hand up to his lips. bee blushed as he kissed her knuckles as if nothing had ever happened between them. His eyes searched hers, but bee didn’t know what for. “I, uh. I got you something.” He turned away and searched through the cloth bag on his shoulder that matched her own—made from her old t-shirts.

bee stood anxiously before the doctor, curling her toes into the soles of her sandals and picking at the skin around her thumb nail with her teeth. Julian swallowed a lump before speaking.

“I got this right after our few days together. The Countess had it commissioned for me because I wanted it to be in your favorite—well, ah, third favorite—color.” He revealed a beautiful journal. It looked almost magical, dark green leather with swirls of gold engraved over the cover. The binding was inscribed with her name in the same gold pressing. He handed it to her as he rambled on, “Figured you could use a new one. Maybe you filled your ethnography journal. Or maybe you could just use it for, uh, personal journaling. It’s up to you, really, but I just thought that, maybe… maybe you’d need one for something, and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to see you for a while—with Asra gone and needing all the help we could get at the palace and everything—so I had to get you a little something to apologize. I mean, uh…  I know it’s no excuse, but… but I didn’t know how long he was going to be away. I should’ve sent a message from the palace to let you know, but I wasn’t sure, and it just got away from—“

“Julian, I—” _can’t accept this,_ she finished to herself. It was far too beautiful and no doubt expensive. She didn’t deserve it. Not after all the sulking. Not after trying to avoid him just now.

But he went through all the trouble to get it for her to apologize… 

“It’s alright…” she conceded with her eyes glued to the book, fingers rubbing the spine.

“The… the _book’s_ alright?”

Her gaze snapped up to him.

“No! No, the journal is gorgeous and lovely and so thoughtful… But… The months of waiting. It’s alright,” she sighed, free of worry.

“It isn’t.” His eyes were _full_ of worry—worry that she would push him away.

“Just don’t do it again.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“Swear it, _Mister_ Devorak.”

Julian’s teeth gleamed as he finally grinned. His right leg snapped out to the side and back to his other, spine stiff as a board as he saluted to her.

“Aye, Captain! I swear on my life. Though, I think it should be much more difficult to hide from you once you come to the palace,” he mused.

“The palace?”

“Oh—well, I—I actually came by the other night because I was wondering if—would you… would you consider being, uh… my medical transcriptionist?”

“What?”

“I just thought you’d be good at it. You love writing, and your penmanship is impeccable.”

“I don’t know… I—”

“All you’d have to do is write down what I tell you. My handwriting is… well,” he chuckled, “it’s atrocious, and to be able to read my medical notes for once… it would be incredibly helpful.” His tone was soft and almost pleading, but her thoughts were reeling with the ultimate ethnographic dilemma: should she get involved?

bee had once read about an ethnographer who faced a similar crossroad. She was studying child mortality in another country and came across a mother whose child was starving because it wouldn’t eat. The obvious solution was to breastfeed, but if she got involved in the situation, it could skew her data. She had a choice—intervene or remain neutral?

It seems like an obvious decision. A child is dying, and you can save it by telling the mother what to do in order to get it to eat. Most people would take action, but to do so would directly affect the results of the study and, ultimately, the culture of the people she helped.

bee’s situation was clearly less dramatic, but she knew it could quickly escalate. It starts as harmlessly transcribing Julian’s notes. Then it turns to assisting with cleaning or handing the doctors things when they’re busy. Then to getting involved with patient care.

She mentally shook herself out of the spiral she was talking down.

A doctor… her _friend_ —maybe more—was asking her to write for him.

That’s all.

And she _would_ get to see what was going on inside the palace… her curiosity had been getting the better of her since she found out Asra worked there too…

She nodded.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” He seemed elated.

“I have some questions first. And concerns.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less. Why don’t we talk over dinner?” He stood and pulled her to her feet. “I’ve been dying to have a meal that isn’t some bizarre dish from the palace kitchens.”

“That sounds really nice, Juli. Especially since I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I bet the Raven’s been missing us,” he teased and offered her his arm. “Shall we?”

“Just let me stop at home and get changed, yeah? I’ll put on something to make your eyes fall out of that perfectly sculpted skull of yours.”

“That’s physiologically impossible,” Julian purred. bee took his arm and pulled him along behind her.

“We’ll see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee).
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


	16. A Devorak I Owe You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so bad at saying I’ll post the chapter at 5:30 PM EST and then completely forgetting LMAO. My bad.

“Ohhh, this…” Julian stepped around bee, admiring the blue cotton sundress she’d changed into. “This is much too nice for a _scoundrel_ like me.” He took her hand in his and spun her around, eliciting a surprised giggle from her. “Much too nice for the Rowdy Raven.”

“Juli, this is casual.”

“Oh-ho-no, my dear. This is elegance at its finest. True decadence.” He knelt down before her and presented a single daisy. “For you, honey bee.”

“Did you…” she trailed off as her eyes climbed up the white trellis that stretched from the street to the bedroom window, “pick this out of my flower box while I was inside?”

Julian’s cheeks rivaled tomatoes as he stood to his full height again.

“Ahaaa…” he deflated. “Nothing gets past you!”

“Julian Devorak… are you a Peeping Tom?”

“No! I-I didn’t—bee, I swear—a what?”

She sniffed the daisy with a smirk. He wrapped his arm around bee’s waist, careful not to get too handsy. The heat in her chest bloomed at the gentlemanly gesture.

Instead of their original plan of going to the tavern, Julian decided to take bee to the Flooded District, but he didn’t tell her why. They bought dinner at the market to take along—a spread of fruits, curry, a bottle of wine, and some Nevivonian chocolate that Julian _insisted_ upon.

As they made their way east through the city, bee watched the tall man glide past other citizens, most of them greeting him joyfully.

“You’re quite the charmer, huh?”

“Well, when you’re one of the only doctors in the city who takes IOUs, people tend to be a little nicer to you,” he explained with a few chuckles.

“You don’t take money?”

“The palace provides enough for me. Besides, sometimes it’s better to have a favor owed than take something as trivial as money.”

“You sound like the shittiest pirate ever,” bee snorted.

“Ah, you say that now, but just you wait until we get to the Flooded District. There’s a gondolier who owes me a favor, and I’m cashing in just for you, darling.”

 _So many pet names… how does he keep track?_ she asked herself as her cheeks heated.

“That’s sweet, Juli.”

Although he’d won her back faster than the spreading plague, something was bugging her. Why hadn’t she moved on from Julian?

“Not as sweet as you, bee.”

Oh.

That’s why.

“Julian, really—”

“Ah, ah!” he scolded lightly. “No more trying to talk your way out of this. It’s the _least_ I can do. But don’t let that fool you; it’s still a grand gesture. You wouldn’t want to see the _most_ I could do,” he joked. 

She finally laughed. Fully laughed.

He grinned.

Julian led her through Vesuvia with a little more confidence, and bee liked that. It meant her happiness made him feel good about himself, and that put her at ease. She knew she was capable of holding things over people's heads; she could be unbelievably cruel if the situation arose, but she hated that part of herself. She didn’t want to be mean or to make people suffer, especially the people who showed her the most compassion. It was a defense mechanism. But she was glad Julian had stepped up and chased after her because it gave her the opportunity to realize how stupid it was to think he was an asshole. If he hadn’t, she would’ve just gotten more cynical of him as time passed, and it would’ve soiled their relationship.

And the fact that he _had_ tried to apologize at the soonest possible moment made her see that he knew he was wrong.

Everything was fine, now.

Julian released bee’s hand for a moment so he could remove his gloves. He reached over and tucked them into her bag of goodies, then led her the rest of the way to the Flooded District. Secretly, bee loved his gloves, but she also loved the way his skin felt against hers. Truly, holding his hand—in any way—filled her with warmth. She hadn’t held someone’s hand since her high school boyfriend, and somehow it meant so much more when Julian took hers. His fingers were strong and sure, and his thumb caressed her’s absentmindedly.

He didn’t let go until it was his turn to get into the gondola. bee knelt on the carpet inside the boat as he strode from the dock and tumbled in across from her.

“Guillaume, this is bee,” Julian introduced. “She’s here from the west to study Vesuvia’s culture, and I’m calling in that favor you owe to show her around in your fine vessel.”

“It’s a pleasure,” the gondolier—Guillaume—greeted with a broad grin. bee just smiled back and then busied herself with the bag of food, missing a subtle exchange of glances—winks—between the two men.

The pair floated along the aqueduct until they reached the channel near Ash Beach. Guillaume stepped off the gondola at the last possible moment and pushed it away from the street corner. bee gasped as the boat rocked with the sudden movement, but Julian held her steady and guided the boat to the middle of the surprisingly calm channel. He tossed a makeshift anchor into the water next to them, and settled back into his spot.

“I can’t believe you’d waste an IOU on me,” bee admitted and rolled a peach between her fingers.

“Waste?” he asked with confusion-sewn brows. “It isn’t a waste. Besides, I figured this might boost my apology and get you to forgive me faster,” he explained with a smirk. “But I’ve also wanted to do something like this for you since we met. I, uh… I wanted to impress you. You were— _are_ —so incredible.”

“What?”

“You caught my eye that night… stole my breath… all the cliches...”

“...Julian…” she breathed.

“I’ve always been one to charm my way through life. In fact, it’s gotten me out of—and into—slippery situations. I thought maybe I’d be able to woo you. Just for the evening. But the way you carried yourself… I was enchanted. Truly.” He looked down at her, eyes shining with wonder. “I had to know you. And I know we haven’t had time to get to know each other deeply… and I’ve been… well, terrible. But I’d like to know you. I’d love to.”

bee’s face softened at his confession.

“Even after I drunkenly pissed myself in front of you?” she asked, still slightly embarrassed even though she had no recollection. “There’s not really any coming back from that…” 

Julian chortled and nodded. 

“I’ve seen _much_ worse.”

She took his hand in hers and squeezed. 

“I’d like to get to know you, too… besides, you _gotta_ be someone special. I never go home with anyone from bars, but for some reason, I went home with you.”

Julian’s chest rose and fell with an airy chuckle.

“Probably the most idiotic thing you’ve ever done, my little honey bee. But I’ll make it worth your while. Let’s uncork that bottle, hm?”

They sat across from each other on the old, fitted carpet. bee had her legs crossed, but Julian leaned against the stern with one of his legs beneath him and the other bent up to his torso. The two shared the sweet wine straight from the bottle, passing it back and forth as they shared pieces of themselves.

bee told Julian about her parents; the divorce, the control her mother took from her, the loneliness, and the gaslighting. How she waited for someone to save her for _years_ until she finally got the opportunity to free herself.

In fact, as soon as she started talking about it, she couldn’t stop. She told him about her anxieties; how she was afraid she’d end up miserable and lonely just like her parents; about how she’d come to hate the sound of her own voice because it sounded like her mother; about her fear of rejection and abandonment and how she would close herself off to almost everyone because it was just easier that way.

As she confided in him, she could see his expression morph from one of soft curiosity to hard resentment. bee looked up from the peach pit she’d been rolling in her hands and noticed his brows were tight with confusion and anger.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to make it all about me. I didn’t even give you a chance to—“

“No!” he interrupted. “No, I’m just… How could anyone do that to you?”

“What?”

He looked away toward the ocean, gaze still stiff.

“How could anyone—your _own family_ …” he trailed off, choked up. “How could _I_...”

“Julian,” she pleaded as she reached forward for him. Her hand rested against his knee, and he turned to look at her with tears in his silver eyes. “You didn’t know.”

“I didn’t ask. I didn’t even think—you’re so wonderful that it never even occurred to me the terrible way you’ve been treated.”

“Juli, it’s okay!”

“What a fool I’ve been thinking a boat and wine would make up for this.”

“No! This is so lovely. No one has done anything like this for me before.” She scooted forward and took his hands. “Please, Julian… Don’t think for a second that you’re anything like my past.”

They sat in silence as Julian composed himself.

“It’s just that… I lost my parents to a shipwreck when I was younger… _Good_ parents. My sister Pasha wasn’t old enough to remember them. When I saw people who had parents that they didn’t like, well… I couldn’t understand it. How could you take a gift like that for granted? But you… you didn’t even really have parents at all either. Not real parents.” He looked away, fresh tears falling.

“Julian…” bee breathed. “I’m so sorry.”

“For what?”

“Your parents…”

He shook his head, curls shining beneath the light of the moon.

“This isn’t about me right now.”

“But it is.”

“No, we were talking about _you_.”

“We’re having a conversation. It goes both ways. And you just told me you lost your parents, and I’m trying to console you.”

“At least I had mine. At least for a while.”

“Not everyone has the same opportunities or advantages in life. I had bad parents, and you had good parents that were taken away from you. That’s just how it is.”

“It’s not fair.”

“I know,” she whispered. A whimper climbed from his throat, and bee reached up with her free hand and wiped away his tears with her thumb. “But we can learn from it. We _have_ learned from it. And we have each other now.”

Julian’s eyes met hers, and he forced a smile. He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it in thanks.

“I didn’t mean to set you off,” she admitted. “I don’t normally talk about my past like that because I’m not that person… but sometimes I _overshare_ …”

“It’s alright. I was the one who brought up getting to know each other.”

After a while, they eased back into their original positions and continued their gondola picnic. They watched the stars twinkle into view as Julian unwrapped the bag of chocolates they’d been saving for dessert.

“From my home country,” he explained. “The richest chocolate in the world.”

“You’re from Nevivon?” bee clarified. Her companion nodded and set a piece of the candy in her palm. “What’s it like? Nevivon?”

Julian spun flax-golden tales of his childhood and adventures around his home, and bee was his captive audience. She admired his bravado and enthusiasm as he recalled times he’d gotten into trouble around his neighborhood. Near-miss instances of getting caught by policemen. Stories about the little nicks and scars across his body. The sheer number of times he’d gotten caught climbing the willow tree in the center of his village so he could swing from it like tarzan could’ve filled three books.

He also told her about his self-schooling. Julian had always been curious, and that curiosity led to his status as a jack of all trades. She couldn’t help but laugh and tell him that she’d done the same throughout her short life, and they bonded over their love for learning.

After their conversation reached a natural lull, bee chuckled to herself.

“You’re not gonna know what this means but…” She motioned around. “This is just like my favorite Disney movie.”

“Your favorite _what?_ ”

“I told you you wouldn’t know what it meant.” 

Julian leaned forward and took bee’s hand in his.

“So, explain it to me,” he requested with a quirked brow. bee stared at his fingers around hers and blushed.

“Well… I’m a little bit drunk, but… do you know the story of Rapunzel? A girl with long, golden hair who lives in a tower?”

“Ah, yes. The baby kidnapped by a witch as recompense for the stolen Rapunzel from her garden.”

“Yeah… I mean, that’s one version of it. In my country, there’s this big company that makes movies—like, a play that gets recorded onto film so you can watch it over and over—based on fairytales. They made one from that story, but it’s more about Rapunzel breaking free from her oppressive mother-who-isn’t-really-her-mother so she can go see the floating lanterns for her birthday. There’s a part where Rapunzel and Flynn Rider—this handsome, rogue, criminal dude who helps her escape the tower—they’re on a boat like this one, and she has flowers braided in her hair, and there are thousands of the floating lanterns around, and they sing a really lovely duet and kiss—well, they _almost_ kiss… it’s so sweet. I mean, there’s more to it but, yeah…” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “Anyway, it’s dumb, but I kinda feel like Rapunzel.”

“There’s something missing, honey bee.”

“What?”

“Well, you have the boat. _A_ lantern. The handsome rogue.” Julian grinned and leaned forward, then plucked the daisy from its place in the empty wine bottle and slipped it behind her ear. “Now, you’re Rapunzel.”

“Oh—I…” bee stuttered. “Wow, Juli…”

“Don’t you mean Flynn?”

“Well...” She crawled forward so she sat between his legs, and her dark eyes looked up at him from beneath her lashes. The wine clearly made her bolder than she would’ve been, but what else is new? “Flynn’s not real.”

“And I am?” he joked, calling back to an earlier discussion of philosophy. bee laughed through her nose and leaned closer to him. Julian’s eyes searched her face as she reached up to push his curls back before practically falling on top of him in a hug.

bee could feel his pulse jump beneath her cheek, and she shifted so she could press a kiss to the skin above it.

“Yeah. Pretty sure you’re real,” she murmured into his neck. They stayed that way for a while, Julian still processing what just happened.

“Thank you for giving me a second chance,” he whispered into her hair. She nuzzled her head into his shoulder.

“Show me that you’re worth it, and we’ll call it even.”

Julian flattened his palm against bee’s and laced their fingers together.

“I will. You’re in possession of a Devorak IOU. _Several_ IOUs.”

They floated there well into the night. As the temperatures dropped and bee began to shiver, Julian tossed a thick, horse-hair blanket over their entwined bodies and snuggled with her. She curled up to his side and tangled her legs with his, fisting her hand in his white undershirt. His strong hand rubbed soothing circles into her back, and he let his head roll to the side so his cheek rested against the cotton candy hair he’d come to admire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this was worth the wait :’)


	17. Sick of Losing Soulmates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait! Uni is fucking insane, and I just wanna graduate already ;-;

“Juli…” bee poked the doctor’s chest. “Juliaaaan…” She rolled her eyes as he shifted in his spot and tugged her closer to him. For a moment, the way his stubble scratched against her cheek dazed her, but she quickly composed herself. “C’mon, Juliiii.”

“Mm…” he groaned, stretching his body beneath hers. “Five more minutes.” He squeezed her to himself once again, but she jolted back against him, afraid of an explosive bladder.

“No! I have to pee!”

“The washroom’s down the hall, honey bee.” His gravelly morning voice melted her resolve only slightly.

“We’re still on the boat, dummy!” she squealed at him with a chuckle. Finally, Julian opened his eyes and grinned up at bee.

“So we are,” he admitted. “Not like I haven’t seen you piss yourself before though, eh?”

“Fuck off,” she teased.

“Good morning to you too.”

The gondola had stayed put in the middle of the channel throughout the night thanks to the anchor. She wouldn’t admit it aloud, but sleeping with Julian felt so natural. His presence put her at peace so quickly. That’s probably why bee didn’t remember falling asleep, and she definitely didn’t expect to wake up shivering at the butt crack of dawn with a full bladder and a raven staring at her. _Oh, that’s just Malak. Don’t mind him,_ Julian had told her. _He follows me around sometimes._

She admired the way his pecs stretched and flexed as he rowed them back to the Flooded District. He’d let his pirate shirt fall open—she noticed then that it actually didn’t have any buttons on it—and offered her a brilliant view of his pale chest. She loved the smattering of curly, auburn hair along his torso. He was so uniquely handsome and lovely.

“Shall we find some breakfast?” Julian asked as they reached the edge of the channel.

“I’m literally about to piss myself.”

“Right! Right, how could I forget?” He tied the gondola to a post and climbed onto the street, then reached down to hoist bee up as if she weighed nothing. “Let’s go find you a nice toilet.”

As the morning waned into afternoon, bee found herself lounging on the wide window sill in Julian’s apartment. She didn’t want to impose, but she also didn’t want to lose any time with her doctor before he had to go back to the palace to “prepare for her arrival.” Once again, he’d given her one of his shirts—from a seemingly endless collection—and a pair of baggy pants to change into so she didn’t feel so grungy.

“I don’t know how you manage to get me so drunk every time…” bee muttered, mostly to herself.

“At least you didn’t piss yourself,” Julian called back from the bathroom. _Damn his attentive ear…_

The sun shone directly overhead, and a warm, wistful breeze dried her freshly-washed dress on the line between Julian’s apartment and the family’s across the street. Three children laughed on the ground below as they climbed on each other in some modified game of keep away. bee smiled to herself, content as a housecat, and sipped her water.

“You look right at home,” Julian mused as he entered his living room. bee turned to face him and noticed he’d shaved his overnight stubble—much to her disappointment.

“Feels kinda like it,” she answered with a shy smile. Julian returned her expression and moseyed toward the window. He plopped onto the chair next to it and glanced up at her. 

“Good, then.”

“Good, then,” she repeated in a half-whisper of agreement, eyes flickering over his clean-shaven face in admiration. Maybe she _did_ like him better without facial hair. 

“Any, uh, plans for what’s left of the day?” His voice sounded nervous, but bee found it surprisingly charming.

“Nope,” she said simply. “I’m gonna sit in this window until I fall out or get dragged out.”

Julian chuckled lightly, and the corners of his eyes wrinkled handsomely. bee was mesmerized by the way his thin lips tugged at his gleaming teeth and his sharp nose scrunched at the edges with his little grin. Her chest ached with the weight of his beauty. She wanted to tell him how pretty he was _so bad_. He deserved to know. He was absolutely, irrevocably perfect.

“I wouldn’t dare dream of—“

“You have a really lovely smile,” bee blurted. Her eyes widened and she bit her lip as she realized she’d said that out loud. Julian’s face twisted from confused surprise to a saucy grin with his left brow quirked in interest.

“Sorry… Don’t think I quite heard you, honey.”

Her cheeks and ears heated instantly as she tried to look at literally anything else.

“I… I didn’t—“ She huffed as she spluttered. “It’s just so… _lovely!_ I don’t know! I don’t know.” She tried to save her cool facade by hiding in her hands.

“Thank you,” he breathed. His eyes glanced away with a dusting of pink across his cheeks as well. “You’re sweet.”

bee looked outside again to hide her mortification at slipping up on her filter. She was usually _so good_ at keeping things to herself, but Julian… he made her crazy. She shifted on the window sill so she could seem a bit more casual in the face of probably her most embarrassing interaction ever, but she scooted back a bit too far. 

“OHMYGOD!” Her stomach dropped with the shift in balance, and her arms shot out for the edge of the wall, but she couldn’t get a grip.

Luckily, Julian had quick reflexes and lunged forward to grab her by the shirt and pull her back into the living room as the mug of water crashed to the street below.

“Oh, my god!” she exclaimed as she tumbled on top of him. The doctor wrapped his arms around her as she shook with adrenaline. “Holy shit!” Her fists tugged at his shirt. “Julian, holy fuck…”

“I’ve got you. You’re alright.” His hand carded through her hair as he soothed her.

bee’s heart thundered in her chest. She’d had near-accidents like that before but never from the second floor of a building! She almost…

“Holy fuck.”

“It’s alright, bee,” Julian reassured her again. He rubbed warm circles around her back and cupped her cheek in his free hand. Terrified brown eyes bore into silver ones as they each caught their breaths. “Don’t scare me like that,” he whispered.

“Maybe I should go home.”

“No! I—mean… stay at least until your dress is dry. I’ll walk you home, then.”

bee pushed her glasses up her nose and nodded once.

“Sorry for the mug…”

“Well, I _did_ break your sun tea jar… consider it fair and square. Besides… plenty of mugs out there. Only one of you.”

She squeezed her eyes closed in amusement at his corniness and let her head rest on his chest again and let the warm rays of sun dance across her back.

Somehow the days seemed longer now, even though she didn’t want to waste a single second with Julian. It was probably obvious to any outside parties that she was absolutely infatuated with him, but she still had her doubts. And now that she’d be directly under—

_Get your head out of the fucking gutter, you dumb bitch._

Now that he’d be her _supervisor_ … there was no way she’d let herself confess her attraction to him. It would be completely unprofessional.

And she still couldn’t be sure he liked her back.

bee heaved open the door to the shop. The lantern was still lit, but Asra was nowhere to be found.

“Hey, Sardi,” she cooed as her kitten toddled up to her feet. bee scooped her off the floor and held her close to her chest. “Where’s our silly magician, huh? Is he upstairs? Asra!” she called as Julian closed the door. “You can come upstairs if you want. We’ll have a drink on the balcony.” She spun around and poked a finger into his solid chest. “But just _one_.”

“I’d like that.” They climbed the squeaky steps to the apartment. 

“Asra?” There was no response. She shrugged it off and motioned for Julian to wait for her outside. bee dumped her bag on the sofa as she spoke to Sardine again. “You’ll never guess what Julian asked me…” She nuzzled her nose into the soft fur on the cat’s head as she opened the door to the bedroom. “I’m going to—”

Her housemate stood at the edge of their bed, eyes wide and jaw slack with surprise. bee must’ve looked like his mirror image.

“What… what are you—that’s… mine?”

Both their luggage sat open on the bed, and Asra held a scarf in his hands. He straightened his shoulders and turned directly toward her. She could see his chest rise with his deep intake of breath, and her heart raced a mile a minute.

“We’re leaving.”

She blinked at him.

“ _We?_ ”

He sighed. 

“When I left… I was preparing a house in Nopal for us. We can wait out the plague there.”

“I’m… sorry…?” She chuckled in disbelief. “You’re just making decisions for me now?”

“bee, it’s too dangerous to stay here.”

“You _knew_ there was a plague when I got here.”

“It’s getting worse,” he grumbled, not looking up at her. His marshmallow hair hid his eyes. bee noticed the fruits and vegetables and blankets she’d picked up yesterday were packed into his bag. “We need to leave.”

“Why are you acting like this all of a sudden? You can’t tell me you don’t care about the people here! The people you grew up with?”

“These people didn’t care about me!”

“You _know_ that’s a lie! _What_ is going _on_?”

Sardine squirmed in her arms, so bee set her down onto the floor.

“I just can’t watch y—” He cut himself off, swallowing hard. “I need to protect myself, bee.”

“Asra, it’s okay to be scared. But running away from it isn’t going to keep it from happening.”

“It’s going to keep me alive.”

What had gotten into him? He was usually so carefree and optimistic! So level-headed!

“I’m here for you. I can help you,” she pleaded.

“You can help me by coming with me.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

bee opened her mouth to tell him, but closed it with a click of her teeth before she could. 

“What?” Asra pressed. “Tell me.”

“Julian…”

“He’s a doctor. He’ll be fine.” 

“No, he… I’m going to be his transcriptionist.”

Silence.

“bee, you just cried over him for two months!”

“He only left me because _you_ were gone from the palace!”

Asra’s nose scrunched with a growing snarl.

“So, he can come crawling back to you in one night with his hollow charm and convince you to walk into ground zero, but I had to work my ass off just to get you to talk to me again?”

“It’s different!”

“No, you’re just a lovesick child!”

How could Asra think he and Julian were in the same boat? She went from seeing Asra every day to not seeing him at all, having to take care of his shop that she knew nothing about, and watching Faust for him while he ran off to be alone. Julian had never once dropped his responsibilities on her. He had a _real reason_ for leaving her. And to add insult to injury, Asra thought the only reason she agreed to help Julian was because she liked him!

The two of them worked together at the palace, for god’s sake, so why did they dislike each other so mu—

_Oh._

“You’re jealous!”

“That’s not it!” he growled. 

“I _knew_ you had a problem with me and him!” she cried. “I gave you so many chances to tell me!”

“How could you do something so _reckless_?” he snapped, clearly avoiding her accusation. She rolled her eyes.

“I’m not leaving when the first people in the world to ever give a sincere shit about me need help,” she answered flatly.

Asra growled, “What help are you going to be when you’re fucking dead?”

bee sewed her lips tight. She wanted to say something. Anything. Something dramatic and poignant. Something like “ _Everyone in my life has either left me before I knew them or stayed long enough to hurt me. Don’t be the one to do both.”_ But she just stood there silently, throat burning and swollen from near-tears. How could he say that to her? After everything she’d told him? After how close they’d grown?

The magician’s brows furrowed in pain.

“I didn’t… bee, I…” He couldn’t finish his apology.

She turned away, shoulders slumped forward and bottom lip between her teeth to keep from crying. She could sense Asra reaching for her, but bee ignored him and slinked toward the window on the other side of the bed.

“Just fucking go.”

Crushing silence filled the space between them before Asra returned to packing. bee hid her eyes behind her hair but could still see his retreating reflection in the window.

After at least five minutes of waiting—five minutes of literal hell on Earth—she trudged out to the balcony and stood before Julian with hunched shoulders and a defeated expression. They stared at each other, the doctor holding Sardine in his long arms, for a moment before he spoke.

“Are—you’re crying,” he realized, startled by her tears shining in the moonlight.

“What happened with you and him?” she asked flatly. 

“Pardon?”

“What happened. With you. And him.” bee’s glare bore right through his chest. “I thought you two just didn’t know each other, but it’s the opposite, isn't it? You were together? Before me?”

“bee…”

“Just tell me.”

He swallowed.

“It was a long time ago.”

“I’ve just been fucking gallivanting around with you while he had to wait up for me every night. And you… you had to see him when you brought me home from the tavern that first night. And every night after. Why didn’t he—why didn’t you say anything?” She slid down the wall of the apartment and held her face in her hands, letting the waterfall of sorrow flow freely. “I would’ve kept to myself.”

“This has nothing to do with you.”

“But it does! I made both of you uncomfortable and now he’s—he…” 

Her doctor stepped forward from his shadowed corner and knelt in front of her. A big hand found her left shoulder and squeezed soothingly. 

“He—left—again,” she forced out through sobs. “Because I told him—told him I wanted to help you.”

His auburn brows furrowed with a reserved anger that bee didn’t see.

“He—“ She shook her head, unable to talk about it anymore. She turned away and let her hair fall into her face as she choked on another sob. “I’m really sorry…” she began. “I feel like all I do is—“ she choked before she could finish her sentence.

“Hey, hey, shh. It’s okay… You’re—you’re okay.” He set Sardine down and reached for bee with the gentlest touch he could muster. Slowly, he turned her toward him, and she sniffled as thin fingers tilted her chin up so he could look at her. Her brown eyes sparkled under the pale moonlight, and Julian wiped away her tears.

“He said he didn’t want to watch…”

“Watch?”

“Me. You. Us. Together.” She shrugged. “He didn’t say. But I knew what he meant.” bee sniffled and wiped her nose on the collar of her dress. “I even asked him in the beginning why he seemed hesitant whenever I talked about you. UGH!” she lamented. “I’m so! Sick! Of pushing people away!”

Julian scrambled to hold her cheeks in his hands and make her look at him—really look at him.”

“It’s not your fault.” His eyes bore into hers, and she searched for any sign of deceit. “How could it be? We should’ve told you.” His thumbs stroked over her cheeks in quiet reassurance. “I’m sure he just wanted to see you happy. So did I. I didn’t want to ruin your friendship. Our friendship.” He pulled her closer to his face for emphasis. “He cares about you, bee… _I_ care about you.”

A sudden sob crawled from bee’s throat as he set her off again.

“I don’t deserve—”

“Shhh, none of that. I’m here, bee.” He climbed to his feet and pulled her into his chest, then backed them up toward the corner of the balcony with her swinging chair. He sat them down and let her curl against him on his lap. The walls of the egg-shaped wicker chair hid her face in the shadows, but he could still see she was hurt. Terribly. “ _I’m here_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read more about bee [here.](https://pagingdoctordevorak.tumblr.com/bee)
> 
> If you like what I do, consider [buying me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/beebee97)


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